Among Us (boyxboy) [ON HOLD]

Chapter 6 - Mother's Struggles

I felt weird walking back after lunch. Being with Oliver again had been fun, refreshing. It had felt like we’d never been apart for so long. But parts of it had been forced. It was impossible for me to just forget what had happened to him, and I believed it had showed.

When I got back, I mumbled a greeting to Matthew’s ‘hello’ and headed straight to the study. I was intending to just continue to clean his room, maybe even properly clean it to sparkles, because I doubted I would be useful intellectually, but I also couldn’t just leave. So cleaning was my best option.

My movements were slow, unfocused, as I tried to wrap my head around Oliver. How was it even possible to just smile like that? The same genuine smile I had seen those five years from High School all the way through to College.

I heard the door creak behind me, but ignored it, hoping that maybe he would go away or at least spare me some more seconds before asking.

He walked past me to the sofa, that was now clear of all the books that had previously occupied it, and sat down. For a while he just looked at me, which made me uncomfortable. It reminded me too much of yesterday, when he had scrutinized me with his eyes over the kitchen table. Then he picked up a book on the coffee table to his left and started to read. I wasn’t used to this. Sure, my parents would sometimes get the point and leave me alone, but not without at least asking once. And all the people I knew from University weren’t people that would ask how I was and expect an honest answer. So this was knew. And maybe it was the pressure he chose not to put me under that pushed me to speak.

“Can I ask you something?” My voice was much clearer than I expected but it was small and quiet, very unlike me.

“Whatever questions you may have.” The answer was simple, fancy in a way, but simple. I heard him put the book back on the others with a small thud, but I didn’t turn to look at him. I felt vulnerable now. I felt as if I would expose far too much of myself by talking about Oliver, let alone looking at Matthew while doing so.

“What would you do if a friend of yours needed help but wouldn’t admit to it and you on the other hand wouldn’t know how to help?” I released a quiet breath, meant to calm myself down again. I seemed to get aggravated more often these days.

I could tell he was thinking about what I had asked him and in a way, it was nice to have a moment to myself before having to work through his reply.

“You know, the funny thing about helping someone, a friend, is, that you never know how to help them. And if you do know, usually you’re wrong. The only person that knows what help would be the right one is the person needing it.” I gulped. He was right of course. I could comprehend how only you yourself know what you need. It was why most people didn’t really understand me and vice versa.

“But how can I find out if he doesn’t talk to me about it?” Even though I understood his explanation, it didn’t help me one bit and that made me angry. Lashing out wasn’t my thing, but I couldn’t stop my tongue from letting those words leave in an angry manner.

“If he doesn’t tell you, he doesn’t need help. At least not yours.” It was cruel. It was cruel to tell me that when I was having such a hard time with it. I knew he was right but that didn’t change the fact that I was hurt by somebody saying it out loud. It hurt that the first thing that happened between Oliver and me in such a long time had to be something neither of us knew how to handle. And it hurt that I felt this useless. I couldn’t to anything, not even decide what to do.

Matthew stood up then, leaving the room, and I was grateful. I needed to be alone now. And while I knew I was at my workplace and I could assume that the University would hear of this, I couldn’t bring myself to care now.