Don't you just love hypothetical questions? It's like playing the "What If?" game. Over Chinese food and sushi, you decided to play. And that one hypothetical question gave me so much hope; and so much anxiety at the same time. Don't worry! It was a good anxiety...sorta... "Hypothetically, if I were to ask you to marry me, right now, what would you say?" I should have said: "That's not how it works! You take a chance and ask, not ask to make sure! or "I don't know; what do you think?" I should have played it off. But instead I answered "Yes." And the look you gave me scared me so much. It was a look of fear and nervousness and uncertainty. That's not the look you'd want in a hypothetical engagement. So I clarified. "I mean, I would think it was fast and we were too young....but ultimately, I love you and would want this to lead to that eventually. Why?" Aren't hypothetical questions just so much fun?
"What if we moved in together?"
"What if we got a dog?"
"What if I get pregnant?"
"What if we get married..."
All great questions. But you need to make the decision that will follow these hypothetical questions. You need to know if that is what you want.
You were drunk one night when you made me propose. Then you had a smoke with your sister, and when you came back, you still had the ring on your left hand. And when you asked me if it was real, I too couldn't answer. You were too drunk to remember this by morning. I could say anything I wanted, really. But I hesitated. So you took the ring back off. I guess neither one of us are quite ready yet...but maybe someday? I like that question.
"Someday? Someday forever?"
Love you forever,
~~Kit
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Letters to Matt
RandomA series of love letters, rant letters, and future letters. The image of a relationships ups and downs from the point of view a loving girlfriend.
