Letters to Matt

Dear Matt, (Part I of the Party)

You had a party on Saturday. Do you remember? It started really well! Everyone showed up and it wasn't awkward at all. We all started by playing video games and when your friends found out that your 3DS, Smash Bros, and Limited Edition Marvel Universe book were gifts from me, they automatically said "Marry her! Don't let her go!" For once, you didn't care about PDA, you pulled me right down on your lap and kissed me in front of everyone. Like you were proud and wanted to show me off. The night was going really well. And then when everyone was drunk enough that they didn't need anymore shots, that's when it went down. You disappeared. You sat outside and it felt like you were avoiding. When I finally caught you, you told me to go apologize to one of the girls because she was your exes cousin. Why did I have to apologize for you? So I left. You called after me but you didn't really try to stop me. I went to your room and fell asleep on the floor, willing myself not to cry. Your friend was calling me, so I got back up. I walked right past you to get to the back porch. They were smoking... You know I despise weed. I've never done it and never planned to. But they told me to. And when I called out for you, you didn't answer. "Matt, I'm doing drugs! I'm gonna smoke weed!" I turned around and saw you look away from me in the window. You weren't going to do anything. So I did it. And I started coughing. And they laughed. Then your two friends said I needed to do it again. They said I wasn't ready. So I called out again: "Matt, I'm doing it again!" What I was really saying was "Come stop me, please." I did it again. You still didn't come. So I got back up and walked to the door where you were again sitting outside, talking to both girls. You barely looked at me. "I'm going to bed." I declared, and then I stormed away. I slammed the door and cried in the bed. You didn't come to comfort me. Why were you not watching over me? A few minutes passed and you finally came to me. "Why are you mad?" Were you serious? I explained but you claimed you didn't do that. Your friends were ready to leave. Drunk Kit likes to hug... So I hugged literally everyone. And whilst I was hugging, you and the cousin sat and talked again. And I could feel both your eyes on me. You asked me to come while you dropped people off, but I said I'd stay and wait for the rest to leave.

You asked me the next day if anything happened between me and your friends. And I honestly don't know why you would ask or what was going through your head. But my answer was and will always be no. I think about you before I do anything, even when I'm mad. Especially when I'm mad.

I love you forever,

~~Kit