Letters to Matt

Dear Matt,

This weekend was great. We dyed our hair blue and swam in the pool. We celebrated my brothers thirteenth birthday at the beach, tanning and walking. You, my mom, and I went to the store to pick up refreshments for the party. On the car ride to the store, my mom brought up the topic of disciplining children and that she would have this conversation if we were still strong in 5 years; but the conversation still persisted. I was so nervous. She was talking about the future. She was bringing up our hypothetical children. This would freak you out for sure! But it didn't. When we got to the beach, we sat down and talked. You said you wanted two children. Boys. I asked why you didn't want a girl and you explained that you would see all of the boys who would try and hurt her and you would be thrown in jail for killing them on the spot. I told you that's what I would love about us having a girl. How in love you would be with her. How you would take care of her and protect her. She would be your prized possession. "Okay. Two pregnancies. If the first one is a girl, that's it. No more. But if it's a boy, then we can go again." When we got home and continued our binge watching of Skins UK, you were admiring the twins, Katie and Emily. You turned to me and said, so simply, "twins." So you want one pregnancy and two kids? "Maybe we could have three...I want two boys so they can be like me and my brother." I've always wanted three, to be honest. Two boys and one girl, so the boys could be protective of their sister. I'm sitting here, replaying the weekend. All the fun we had; when I remembered something you said during Thanksgiving, as we watched all the little kids play around, something that made me so happy. "One of our kids would be so punk rock." I remember the smile you and I shared after you said that. And the kiss that came after. It's such a good thought. That we could make it that far. Don't be afraid. Hold onto me. Stick close to me. Possibly lead a future with me? You're the first love I've had. And I can't wait to see where we end up.

I love you forever,

~~Kit