Euphoria

22. 공허해

I love WINNER so much I actually cry

I'm also listening to empty so yeah

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It's been a week and all Liam can do is feel empty. He's confused and hurt and just empty.

He wakes up feeling cold because Zayn isn't there to hold him. He comes home and sometimes forgets that Zayn won't be coming home a couple of minutes later. Sometimes he'll sit at the kitchen table and look across the table only to find it empty.

He doesn't wake up with a smile these days like he used to. He doesn't wake up with kisses and warm hugs. He wakes up completely empty. The house is silent and sometimes he cries a little before pulling himself together enough to continue the day.

He shouldn't act as though he and Zayn are over because they aren't. Zayn calls him every chance he gets. Even when Liam knows he's working. It warms his heart a little but it also makes him want to cry a little.

He knows this empty feeling will go away if he just answers the phone and tells him to come back. But then nothing will be solved. They'll go back to their old ways probably. Not that anything too bad was going on. Liam still doesn't really know what caused all this. Olive came back that day with red eyes and hugged him but that was it. He didn't bother asking.

These days have just been really empty.

-

"Zayn c'mon" perrie had been whining at him all day to get off the couch. Sometimes he forgets he's here. Actually he shouldn't even be here.

He should be with Liam. He should be fixing everything and giving him hugs and kisses and begging for forgiveness. But that's not how things work.

Sure he could easily go back and apologize but he has to get himself together. Liam has been through too much, he shouldn't have to deal with a stupid jealous boyfriend too. Zayn should be able to make Liam happy no matter what. Not cause him more pain.

"Zayn get up!" perrie grabs his arms and pulls him off the couch surprisingly.

"I'm sick of this, if you're not even going to be with me then don't sit on my couch all damn day" she pushes him towards the door then walks to her room. She knows she's caused a lot of trouble and she realizes it now. Too late but at least now she can move on and get Zayn out of her head. While he was there they didn't do anything so at least she won't have to deal with that. She did hurt Liam and she feels bad but... that's no excuse she thinks.

She's lied and she's been evil and horrible and every other horrible name out there. She knows this and she knows that any of them will probably never forgive her. Sometimes she sits and thinks about how horrible she is and cries. And sometimes she gets up and makes herself look as pretty as she can. Maybe it'll make her feel good that day.

But it never does.

Nothing particularly bad ever happened that made her like that but... she just wants someone. And for a while Zayn was that someone. That someone that would hold her when she would cry. Because he got how she felt about herself sometimes. How she felt so ugly. Of course he would reply with the same "but your gorgeous" but that's never what she meant.

She would cry sometimes and he would hug her and say "what's wrong" but what could she say? How could she tell him about this feeling? She's never had friends to tell, she's never had family or boyfriends. She doesn't even tell these things to Zayn.

Sure she was pretty and whatever else guys would say but no one would ever know how ugly she felt on the inside. They would never know how hideous she truly felt. Some days it was as though she could practically feel the ugly oozing out of her. She would look in the mirror and watch her eyes fill with tears before quickly wiping them and applying more eyeliner and mascara. If she looked pretty she would feel pretty, right?

Wrong

That's not how it works and as she sits in front of her mirror now she realizes how truly hideous she is.

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I'm sorry but I can't write anymore. This chapter really hit me so hard. I want you all to understand that I am not writing this in a way so that it'll make it seem like perrie hasn't been bad. I'm writing this to express how she feels. I've felt this way before and writing this literally has me holding back tears. I focused this more on perrie because I feel like it'll help you understand her more and hopefully not hate her as much. Anyways that's it.