Ashton: We need to all have a chat boys, a serious one.
Michael: I'm eating? What the fuck is so important?
Calum: I'm about to hook up with this groupie then dip. I'll text you when I'm done.
Ashton: This is exactly what I'm trying to talk to you guys about.
Luke: About what?
Ashton: Boys, this is it. We're giving up groupies.
Michael: Woah, woah woah. I've actually put my toastie down to answer your absurd statement. We can have groupies and we will have groupies. Boom. Fuck wit cha boi Ashton.
Luke: Yeah.
Calum: Shut the fuck up Luke you've probably never even seen a pussy.
Luke: I have, it was your Mum's last night.
Calum: Last time I told that joke I was in the seventh grade. Get lost kid.
Ashton: Will you assholes just shut up and listen to me? We have to stop hooking up with fans. It's not right.
Michael: Then how else do we get our daily fix of.... You know ;)
Ashton: Michael I don't know how you live like this. You gross me the fuck out.
Michael: What can I say? I have no morals, no dignity.
Ashton: Clearly. Haven't you ever thought about stopping? I'm going to be 22 next year. It just seems childish. Haven't you thought about settling down and getting a girlfriend?
Luke: Ash I don't mean to sound like the bad guy but that's literally impossible. We're touring 24/7.
Michael: ^^
Calum: ^^
Ashton: You guys are ridiculous. You know what? Fine. Mess around with your groupies. See if I care. I'm actually going to try and find a good, respectable woman like me.
Michael: Lol Ash wait until she actually finds out how dirty you are....
Ashton: What the hell are you talking about? I am not dirty.
Luke: Hate to break it to you mate but you're hella dirty. You're the easiest, next to Michael.
Michael: I'm not even offended. He's right.
Ashton: I'm not dirty.
Calum: Daddy.
Ashton: Oh shit.
Luke: That's what I thought. Fuck wit cha boi.
Michael: Don't use my line you actual shit-kicking assclown.
Luke: That was mean :( Where did you find that one?
Michael: Tumblr. Usually I'm looking up porn on there but I get bored of looking at hot babes sometimes.
Ashton: Gross. Hey, I think I'm going to follow spree or something. Don't do anything nasty.
Calum: #I've got two fingers in right now ;))
Michael: Yeah Cal!!!
Ashton: disgusting.
*Ashton has left the chat*
Michael: Rude. Hey Luke?
Luke: Yeah Mikey boy?
Michael: Don't call me that again unless you want my big fat foot up your anal cavity. Anyways, I have a question for you.
Luke: Shoot.
Michael: Do you think Ash was right? About the whole groupie thing?
Luke: Hold on, Cal's calling me.
Michael: Put it on speaker, I'm on the toilet.
Luke: OH MY GOD CALUM.
Michael: CALUM I DIDN'T NEED TO HEAR THOSE NOISES FROM YOU.
Luke: IT BURNS MY EARS, FUCK CALUM WHYYYY, WHYYYY??
Calum: WHAT THE FUCK I'M SORRY, I BUTTDIALLED YOU UGH FUCK I'M SO EMBARRASSED.
Michael: Your moans are gross. I'm never going to get that out of my head. Luke liked it though.
Luke: No I didn't what the hell Michael. I'm never going to get that mental image out of my head. What was the squelching noise on the phone? What were you doing to her? You know what- I don't want to know.
Michael: I do. Tell me Cal!!!
Calum: Okay, you see I took my fingers and....
Luke: Fuck this.
*Luke has left the chat*
Michael: Works every time.
Calum: I'm laughing. Hey I'm going to come back to the room to see if Ashton is still butthurt.
Michael: Wait, but do you think Ashton is right? About the whole groupie thing?
Calum: I dunno. I just came twice tho ;D
Michael: I didn't even come close to needing to hear that.
Calum: Lolololol.
Michael: I'm going to bed.
*Michael has left the chat*
YOU ARE READING
Anti-Groupie // Ashton Irwin
Fanfiction"Boys, that's it. We're giving up groupies." "Guys, I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna be a groupie." In which a random follow leads to a strange bet between a band member and a cheeky fan girl.
