Dear No One | Ethan Dolan Fan Fiction

Chapter 1 - The Beginning

Dear No One,

I don't normally write in journals... I'm just not the kind of person who enjoys that kind of stuff. But I'm not writing for my enjoyment, I'm writing because I have no one to tell this to, but I have to let it out. It burns within me like a vicious fire, threatening to destroy me at any moment. My lungs burn from the deathly smoke that the repressed thoughts give off. It contaminates my blood and blurs my thoughts together. It's time to let it out.

Today was the first day of my sophomore year of high school, and I had high hopes that were smashed mercilessly by my best friend, or so I thought she was. I came in to school, and was met by her and her new boyfriend. I opened my arms to hug her, but instead of hugging me, her boyfriend punched me in the stomach. Tears blurred my vision as I crumpled to the ground, heart broken and confused. Rumors were flying around the school about me, all of them disgusting lies, concocted by Haley. It was like middle school all over again.

Let me explain how I ended up here. When my parents divorced, it did something to me. Something that I had no control over. I became depressed and clingy, so no one wanted to be my friend. Being alone made me an excellent target for bullies, because they knew that no one would stand up for me. Middle school were the worst years of my life. I was utterly alone. I developed an eating disorder and became insecure about my body. Suicidal thoughts became a daily routine, and God knows how I made it through. Now I wish I had just ended everything when I had a chance. Then, I met Haley. She was popular, smart, and beautiful, but she wasn't cocky or arrogant like most of the other girls. She was sweet, kind, and compassionate. She took me under her wing, and was like a sister to me. She loved and accepted me, but I no longer believe in genuine people anymore. It was all a lie, one big lie created to fool idiots like me. Just when I thought someone actually cared, she turned on me, leaving me shattered and in an even worse state than one she found me. It hurts far worse when someone you love and trust hurts you.

I don't understand why. I never did anything to her, but she hurt me everyday. Ever since I was a little kid, I have been picked on. Maybe because I am a bit shy. Maybe it's because I don't have the typical interests of a teenage girl. I am never good enough. The words they say to me constantly swirl around in my head, gradually destroying in my self esteem. You are fat, ugly, unloved, unwanted. No one likes you. If you died today no one would care. Waste of space. No matter how hard I try it is never good enough. I wish it would all just end. I wish there was a place where I would be loved. I wish there was a place where I would be accepted, but I probably didn't deserve that. Maybe, if there was one person who cared, things would be different, but now I had no chance now. Haley had ruined any chance of that. No one would dare interact with a kid that the popular kids beat up, or they would doom themselves to the same fate.I hate my life I HATE IT IN HATE IT I-

*RIP* I look up to see that I have ripped a hole in my paper while writing and that the ink on my paper is smudged because of my tears. I wipe my eyes and slam the diary shut, then bury my head under my pillow and cry until tears won't come, and then just lay there and sob.

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Sorry it's kinda short.. Looking back on this chapter, it's horrible but PLEASE keep reading it gets better, I promise

-Erica