Dear No One | Ethan Dolan Fan Fiction

Chapter 20- Good Bye No One

A/N- I rewrote this chapter, so Ethan never heard Grayson come home, they never talked, etc. PLEASE LISTEN TO BLUE BY TROYE SIVAN WHILE READING THIS

Dear No One,

It's been days since Grayson's empty promise, and nothing has changed. It feels as if the whole world is against me, fighting with all it's might to cease my existence.  I can't live like this. Grayson's words hardly dull Ethan's piercing words that still cut deep into me. Every time I see him, and arrow shoots through my body, weakening me even more. My heart can't take much more. It hurts so much. I want it to end.

Haley looks at me with a smile smugger than ever. She knows she's won when she looks into my lifeless eyes. She hurls more insults than ever before; she knows how close I am to breaking. Like a twig, vulnerable at her controlling hand. But she won't kill me off right away, a slow tortured death is the fate in store for me. One that I don't want to face. Death seems like such a simple answer to such a horrid problem, but then why is it so hard? Is it the fear of the unknown that keeps me from peace? A place where nothing would matter. A place without hurt or love. A place with emptiness to fill my long hours and immerse me in it's numbness. I would be more free than the clouds blowing across the sky. Everything would be gone. I would be gone. A loss the world wouldn't even notice. A tiny drop in a massive ocean. Unimportant. Worthless. Nothing.

And yet I am afraid. Afraid to end it because maybe there's sun at the end of the storm, but I have grown tired of holding on. I am tired of holding on so tight to everything and everyone that I love because they just crumble beneath my finger tips, carried off by the wind that blows the clouds along. And I tell myself that I will soon be among them. But I am so weak. I can't even end my own pain, and everyone's around me. I am just a weight on their shoulders, a chain restraining them from achieving serenity.

The words build up within me, but I can't release them. They fill me and drown me within my own body and I am afraid to let the flood of emotions out because they will obliterate everyone close to me. Words of hate and pain and longing and love that would weigh on them as they weigh on me. Words that will die with me.

I can hardly breathe; only strangled breaths escape my closed throat and blue lips. Dying words that should be recorded, but instead disappear as they leave my my lips because no one cares. I am alone in this world.

-Britt

~ Ethan's POV ~

I see the pain in her eyes when I see her every day. There is no life in her body. And it kills me to know I am the reason why. I am afraid to go near her. Afraid of what I have done to this beautiful girl that I was only trying to help. Afraid of the effect I have on her. One sentence killed her. I never want to see your face again. One sentence that destroyed everything we ever had. I am afraid to hear her empty voice. Afraid of those lifeless eyes, staring into mine. Afraid to see her thin, pale frame. Afraid to see the dark bags beneath her red eyes. Afraid of going near, her because I can kill her with a touch. I love her, but maybe it's better that I leave.

~ Britt's POV ~

Dear No One,

I am finally letting go. To the few people who cared:

Susan- You are an a****** go die in a hole

Dad- You are a crappy excuse for a father, but I still feel something for you, despite all the pain you caused me. Take care of your kids for me. Don't let them become what I did. And in case you didn't notice, Mom still loves you. It's not too late for you.

Mom- Thank you so much for everything. Thank you for loving me and supporting me. You were the one person who always cared for me and loved me no matter what. Thank you for staying with me. For being there when I needed you most. For helping me through everything, but there's nothing you could have done this time. I'm sorry. I couldn't have asked for a better mom. Stay strong. I love you so much.

Grayson- I hate you. You have my blood all over your hands, but in the end you realized you were wrong, but it's too late Gray. Too late.

Ethan- This one was so hard for me to write. I don't know what to write because I hate you more than I've ever hated anybody this much, but I've also never loved anyone this much. You brought me higher than I've ever been. For a few glorious weeks, the pain was bearable because I had you. You loved me like I've ever never been loved before. Thank you so much for that. But then you chose Grayson. It's okay Ethan. I would have chosen him over me too. But it still hurt so much. You smashed what was left of my fragile body, but it's probably better that way. Keep on smiling Ethan, because it looks beautiful on you. The world needs more people like you. They don't need more people like me. Not that it mattered or anything, but I fell in love with you Ethan Dolan. So deeply in love. I love you Ethan. Go make the world a better place. Do it for me. I love you.

-Good Bye No One

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I listened to Blue the entire time I wrote this, and the feels were so intense. I admit that I did cry a writing this :( I wanted a short, emotional chapter rather than a super long, fluffy one so I hope you guys don't mind. This book is ending soon and I'm really sad about it, so I keep trying to find ways to make it go on longer. Anyway, thanks for reading!! Please vote because we are SO close to 200 votes :) ILY!

-Erica