Dear No One | Ethan Dolan Fan Fiction

Chapter 21- I Love You

A/N- Please listen to Heaven by Troye Sivan while reading this

Ethan's POV

I'm heading home, when my phone starts ringing. I rarely get calls, I mean everyone texts nowadays. A surge of a panic goes through me when Britt's contact pops up on my phone. It's a picture of us together. She's on my back, and her she's laughing, her cheeks flushed a beautiful pink. Rather than looking at the camera, I'm looking up at her, smiling. The memory is still fresh in my memory, her sweet laugh, the evening sunset, the blowing breeze... She had just been beat up, so I ran home with her on my back. I gaze at the picture for a bit, reliving the happy moment before picking up.

"Is this Ethan?" says a raspy voice that I don't recognize.

"Yes... Who is this?"

"This is Brittany's mom. I need you to come over to our house right away. Run," the voice cracks slightly before the line clicks dead.

Possible scenarios race through my head, each one worse than the last. I sprint down our street, and stop at her house. I climb the steps in front of her house and knock. No one comes, so I try the door knob. It's unlocked. I cautiously push the door open, and immediately the sound of sobbing fills my ears. I run, and locate the sound. Brittany's room.

I open the door, and see her. Her body lays limp on the floor, her skin paper white. Her freshly cut wrists spill blood onto the floor. Her fingers are still clasped around the bottle of pills that could be killing her right now. Her other hand is holding a journal of some sort, and written on it is names of people that she write one last good bye to. My name is there.
This isn't real. this isn't real. This isn't real. This Isn't Real. THIS ISN'T REAL.

The truth runs wild like a tear down a cheek.

Everything I've done to her hits me like a bunch of bricks. I pinch myself as hard as I can, but she's still laying there. The world is spinning. Faster and faster. I've lost control. Sirens. Flashing lights. Blurry images. Memories. Pain. Happiness. Love. Hate. Love. Happiness. Pain. Memories. Blurry Images. Flashing lights. Sirens.

this voice inside has been eating at me.

what if I never get her back? what if i donn't get a second chance? what if this is how it will end? what if she never wakes up? what if I never see those beautiful eyes again? what if I never hear her laugh again? what if I never get to hold her again? what if I never get to tell her that I'm sorry. what if I can never tell her how much I love her. what if I just lost the love of my life. what if this is it.

Trying to sedate, my mind in it's cage and numb what I see

"WAKE UP!" I scream over the wailing sirens. "WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP!" I scream.

Awake, wide eyed I'm screaming at me

My lungs cry for oxygen, but I keep on screaming. The screams seem to drown out my painful thoughts. The world blurs beneath an ever growing sea of tears. I am thankful. I don't want to look at my broken reality.

So I'm counting to fifteen

1

I love her so much.

2

I don't deserve her.

3

But she loved me anyway.

4

and it killed her.

5

I killed her.

6

I need her

5

more than anything else

6

my sunshine

7

so full of life and happy

8

when she was with me

9

I was so blind

10

I was so selfish

11

she deserved longer than 15 years

12

I didn't

13

and yet im here

14

and she's being loaded onto an ambulance

15

maybe breathing her last breaths

Someone guides me to the back of the ambulance and I sit down on the seat. She's already hooked up to tubes. I stand up and walk over to her. She looks so lifeless. I take her cold hands in mine, and just stare at her. the girl who's blood is all over me.

Please don't leave me

we need you

I need you

Don't leave me here

I know I f***** up

But I was so blind

I was afraid

Afraid of what I do to you

what you do to me

Afraid of us

Afraid that I was in love

Afraid that I was in love with your Brittany Grace

But I'm not afraid anymore

But you're not listening anymore

you couldn't hold on any longer.

I lean down and gently kiss her forehead.

So if I'm losing you
Maybe I don't want heaven?

Maybe I want you.

"I love your Britt."

The truth runs wild like a tear down a cheek

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I AM SO SORRY IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE WRITTEN! I've had major writer's block, and this chapter just wasn't coming out like I had hoped. I also had SO many tests this week so... Idek if I've said this already but if I haven't THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR 3K READS AND 200 VOTES!!
Also, anything you read in italics (except Ethan's thoughts toward Britt at the end) were all lyrics from 'Heaven'. I know the meaning of the song doesn't fit, but some of the lyrics out of context fit so well. And sorry this is short. I really need to start writing again. Speaking of writing, can you comment the chapters that you think should be rewritten because I cringe at my old chapters. Anyway, please vote! Thank you all so much, all of your comments are so sweet. Ily!

-Erica