Dear No One | Ethan Dolan Fan Fiction

Chapter 13- The Conversation

I change into a pair of sweatpants and throw an Aeropostale hoodie on. I quietly creep out of the bedroom, careful not wake the kids sleeping in my bedroom. I tiptoe into the foyer, and I see my mom in a deep sleep. I gently twist the door knob, and pull the door open. Then, I close it and lock it, stuffing the keys in my pocket. I probably should have dressed warmer, but it's too late now, so I jog to keep warm. I can see my breath in the the midnight, November air. It rises from my mouth like a cloud of smoke from a chimney. Along with it goes my tension and stress. My feet hit rhythmically on the pavement, matching my quick heartbeat. It's a short jog, only a few minutes since we live on the same street. With each step, I feel more and more nervous. More than once, I contemplate turning back and forgetting the whole thing. I could just go back home and snuggle into my warm sleeping bag, and pretend like this never happened, except I know I could never do that, so I keep running.

I realize he never told me where to go, but I assume it's their house because where else could he go at midnight? But then again, I probably should not underestimate Grayson. He could be waiting to kill me; he's strong enough to and I'm WAS positive that he hates me, but after that kiss.... I'm not so sure.

I reach their house, but I know I can't go in through the front door. It would wake everyone up. If Grayson though I would even THINK about coming, he must have left a way in somewhere. I circle around behind the house and see their bedroom windows. Grayson's is filled with bad memories. There is a tree, outside the window, but there is no way I could climb it. Besides, that kind of thing is only in fantasy stories and 'happily ever after' movies. I see a stairwell behind the house, so I go down the stairs, and it leads to the basement door. I reach under the doormat, and sure enough, there is a key. I jam it into the door, take a deep breath, and open the door. Grayson is pacing around the room, but when I come in, his head jerks up and our eyes meet. I immediately shift my gaze to my black converse.
"Can we just talk?" He asks unsurely.
I nod, and we both sit down on the couch where we watched the movie. His eyes flicker around the room, and I can almost hear his thoughts swirling in the air. I decide to just wait until he is ready to talk.

A few minutes pass, but it feels like an eternity. I think about telling him I have better things to do than sit here while he stares at the floor, but I figure it would only make things worse. He is way stronger and faster than me, so I couldn't get very far anyway. I study him closely. He wears a light grey muscle tank that shows off his toned muscles, but that is not what most gets me. It's his eyes. They are a slight red, and I can see he was crying, and tried to get rid of the redness, but obviously failed. It makes me uncomfortable. I can only imagine his thoughts. Finally he speaks.
"Listen, I'm sorry Brittany. I really am."
My emotions got the best of me, and that was wrong to do that to you," he said, still staring at the ground.
I am dumbfounded; I expected anything but an apology. Why is he apologizing? Is he playing games with me again?
"Why?" I whisper.
He knows what I am asking, and he knows he owes me an explanation.
"Okay, I guess I'll just say it. I u-uh er um I uh... I love you Brittany..," he says awkwardly.
I am even more confused now. If he loves me, why does he bully me?
But he isn't finished.
"I am a jerk and I know it. I only bully people to fit in with my friends. I am lonely. Nobody likes me for who I am, only for who I pretend to be. So to keep my friend, I hurt other people. Crappy, right? But this time was different. I started bullying you, but the more I saw you, the more I wanted to be with you. But I suppressed my feeling for you, just to fit in. They kept getting stronger, and then I was going to stop bullying you, I really was, but then Ethan came and started helping you, and I was jealous because I wanted you. I know I was an idiot, and I deserved this all, but I love you so much and when I saw you tonight, I lost control a-a-and..." His voice trails off and he closes his eyes. He sniffs lightly, and I can tell he is the verge of tears. I am so confused. What am I supposed to say? I can't say I love him because I don't really love him like I love Ethan. I can't say it's okay because what he did was anything but okay. Grayson starts to cry softly, and I just sit there watching. Part of me wants to wrap my arms around him and comfort him, but I can't bring myself to do it.

When he finished crying, his eyes are red and splotchy, and his face is tear streaked.
"You love Ethan, don't you," he says quietly.
I nod slowly, and his face falls.
"I betcha he loves you too," he whispers.
"But I want you so bad," he whimpers.
This isn't the mean, tough Grayson that I know. This is a pathetic boy who just wants to be loved. His eyes plead with me as I stare into them. I wrap my thin arms around him, and he wraps his strong ones around me. He kisses me lightly on the forehead, then pulls away. Without a word, I lock his basement door, and step out of the house.

The fresh air clears my head as I walk, but I am afraid. Afraid of what Grayson will do when I see him again. Will he bully me? Hurt me? Yell at me? Kiss me? Ignore me? What if Ethan finds out? What if Ethan doesn't even feel the same way about me?

As I try to fall asleep, my thoughts overwhelm me until I fall asleep.

I am standing knee deep in crystal blue  water at the shore of a beautiful beach. Tall palm trees rock back and forth in the warm summer breeze, and the sun warms my tan shoulders. Then, the water begins to get deeper. Up to my waist, them my shoulders, soon it's over my head. And I am screaming horrifically, crying for the chance to live. My lungs burn for oxygen. Every inch of my body us fighting to survive the deep water. There is a battle between us. Neither of us can gain the upper hand. When the water gets higher, I swim higher. When I swim higher, the water gets deeper. And it's exhausting. I am tired of fighting, so I let go. The water fills my lungs and drowns me.

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Do you ship #Brethany or #Brayson ? You guys are amazing! We hit 500 reads just two days ago and 600 today, and we have FOURTY votes!! THAT IS INSANE THANK YOU SO MUCH! Thanks for all of your lovely comments, they make my day! Sorry about the shorter chapter again, but I wrote this all in one night, plus I didn't want to drag out the conversation between them. And if anybody adds this story to the reading list, I will mention them at the end of the next chapter. Ily all!!

-Erica