The Bad Girl's Depression

Chapter (W) - What love is

"Vicky matagal ka pa ba dyan?!" Kanina pa katok ng katok si Ros sa banyo ko. Bakit ba siya nagmamadali? I'm still applying sun block all over my body.

"Mauna ka na kasi!"

"Hindi! Sabay tayo. Excited akong makita ka na naka two-piece!" 

Wtf?

Lumabas ako ng banyo at kita sa mukha niya na nadisappoint siya.

"Asan na yung binili ko sayong swimsuit?"

"Like duh? I'm not gonna wear that." Nakasuot lang ako ngayon ng swimming bra at high-waisted swimming shorts. Comfortable na ako dito.

"Hay nako, kahit kailan pabebe ka pa din." Inirapan ko lang siya at kinuha na ang sun glass ko at nauna ng lumabas ng kwarto.

"Vicky wait!"

Yes. Ngayon lang ako magswiswimming. Actually pinilit lang ako ni Ros kasi lahat sila magswiswimming ako lang ang hindi. Pasalamat sila at hindi ko trip matulog ngayon kaya pumayag ako. It's so hot damn.

Pagkalabas ko ng rest house ay saakin sila lahat napatingin. Yung mga barkada ni Gustin tumigil sa pag lalaro ng volleyball. Si Rod kita sa peripheral vision ko ay nakatitig din saakin pero tinampal siya nung ex-fling ni Kuya. Hinanap ng mga mata ko si Marvel and nandon siya sa duyan. Nakatingin din saakin. Kahit nakashades din siya, alam kong nakatingin siya saakin.

"Woah! Ang hot ni Ate Vicky!"

"Mamaya makikiselfie ako."

"Hoy! Mga g*go kapatid ko yang pinaguusapan niyo!"

"Bakit ba? Nagagandahan lang naman kami sa ate mo ah?"

"Oo kasi naka-swimsuit siya? Mga manyak!"

"Hiya naman kami sayo Gustin wuuuuy!"

"Mag-impake na kayo!"

"Hehehe joke lang pre!"

Natawa nalang ako sa kabaliwan nila. I also saw mom na kasalukuyang nagpapa-tan ng skin. She also looked hot in her swim wear. Pumunta ako sa direksyon ni Marvel at kumandong sakanya. Binigatan ko ang sarili ko at napaungol siya sa sakit dahil hind siya nakaupo ng maayos kaya medyo mabibinat ang paa at legs niya. Actually sinadya ko yun.

"Owww! Dito ka sa tabi ko hwag diyan!" Natawa ako sa reaction niya at lumipat sa tabi niya.

"You look hot."

"I know." Umusog siya kaunti palapit at umakbay saakin.

"Buti naman at naisipan mong lumabas." Kinuha niya ang juice na nakalagay sa mesa at iniabot sakin. 

"Thanks."

"So Vicky, are you enjoying your stay here?"

"Yeah."

"Nasaan na kaya si Tito Genesis?"

Yeah, where the hell is my Dad? Hindi pa siya pumupunta dito. Hindi rin siya tumatawag saamin. Nag-aalala na nga kami sakanya pero sabi ni Mommy we should wait and be calm. We still have 1 week here kaya naman may time pa. I really miss him. I hope he's okay.

"Buti nalang natapos na yung 5 days term ng kuya mo saakin. Damn! I really miss touching you like this. Nasayang lang yung oras ko na dapat ay nasayo." Natawa ako sa pagkasabi niya. Para siyang bata na grounded ng mga magulang niya.

Simula nung nahuli kasi kami ni kuya sa kwarto ay pinarusahan siya ni Kuya na hindi saakin makakalapit ng 5 days. Pwede niya akong kausapin pero dapat hindi magkatabi. Kung alam niyo lang kung gaano nakakatawa si Marvel nung mga araw na yon. Kawawang bata.

"It's your fault anyway."

"You can't blame me." Tinanggal ko ang shades ko at tumingin sakanya.

"And why?" Tinanggal na din niya ang shades niya at tumingin sa mga mata ko then straight down to my lips. 

"I love you more than my life Vicky. Every time I see you, I want to kiss you. Every time I see you, I want to demand that you should always stay here right beside me but I know that I can't do that because I don't have the right anymore. And it breaks me a lot. So whenever you're with me, I always exert my one hundred and one percent effort to make you happy, to make our time together the most sweetest and especially, to make it the best and unforgettable like it's going to be our last time together." 

I remained silent. I don't know what to reply. He's still the sweetest, nothing changed. I touched his face and touched his hand as well. Looking at his sad and desperate face. I always wish I could love him the way I loved him before. I wish we could go back in time where it all started. Where it all destroyed and fix it. Marvel is very important to me, I love him still but only as a best friend. I don't want to hurt him. I don't want him to feel that he's alone.

There are days that I forced myself to love him the way I loved him before now that I've forgiven him but I always fail to do that. His touch, his voice, his presence, his smile and all of the things that I love about him doesn't affect me the way it affect me in the past anymore. My heart doesn't even pump the way it pumped for Marvel when we were younger. There are so many 'why' and 'what ifs' running in my mind now. 

One thing is for sure. My heart is locked. And it's going to break him big time when I'll finally say him the truth. The truth that my heart is already taken by somebody else. And not him. 

"I will always love you Marvel." That was the only thing I've said before he kissed me.

--

It's 7 in the evening and we're all here in the game room playing different kinds of games and sports. I'm glad that Rosalie and Greg are finally together again. They are now happy with each other. Gustin and his friends are playing video game while Rod and Joanna the btch are smooching outside. Gross.

I still can't find Marvel. After our scene by the beach he just left me. I did not bother to follow him knowing that I don't have anything to say to him. He needs time to think.

"Baby are you okay?" Umupo si Mommy sa tabi ko at inabutan ako ng pineapple juice.

"Not really."

"What's bothering my princess?"

"Mom? What will you do if you can't anymore love the person the way you used to love him before?" Ngumiti si mommy saakin at inakbayan ako.

"Just be honest to him, baby."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I bet there's a reason why you don't love him anymore the way you loved him before. And I know that you're aware that he doesn't have a clue why so there are chances that he's still hoping that things will get back to normal." I remained silent. She's right. 

"You love your best friend, don't you?"

"Yes. I love him, that's why I can't find the right words to say to him. I don't want to hurt him."

"Then just be honest to him and don't be so selfish. You know Genevic, you're still young to understand the true meaning of love. That's why before you fall in love with someone, you have to know yourself first very well. Because once you've failed to know yourself, chances that you won't have a great life with your loved one. That's were challenges in a relationship begin."

"You may find it difficult to decide now, what more if you already find your true love?"

Mom's right. I need to let go of the things I can't hold on anymore. I made my decision. Mom knows really the best.

"Thanks Mom. I know what to do."

"That's my girl." Niyakap ako ni Mom ng mahigpit. "Do the right thing to do."

"Genevic!" Tinawag ako ni Rosalie. Lumapit siya saakin at nakita kong may dala dala siyang paper bag. Humiwalay na ako kay Mommy.

"Why?"

"Kailangan mo nang mag-ayos."

"Huh?"

"Go on sweetie. You'll gonna be late." I looked at them with so much confusion.

"Tara na bilis!"