The Bad Girl's Depression

Chapter (Z) - EPILOGUE

EPILOGUE

"Mom, I'll just go out and take a walk."

"Okay baby, do you want Gustin to accompany you?"

"No. I want to be alone."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Okay then. Take care."

I put on my leather jacket and boots before I bid goodbye to Mom and Dad. Greg is not around. He's in the Philippines right now. He just got there few days ago to fix the problem with his businesses. I bet he's going out with Rosalie.

I'm jealous.

I turned on the engine of my car. I'll just go to the city and shop some things since it will be Christmas Day tomorrow. It's my daily routine here since we've got here for Dad's medication. We're very thankful that he's okay now. Oh, Grandma showed up already too. She's living with us too and she changed. She was not the Grandma we used to know in the past. She became more kind and understanding than before.

Things changed ever since Mom came back with us. Especially for Dad. He became more strong when Mom took care of him. Also, my brothers became their 'Mommy's boy'. And as for me, I felt the mother-daughter bond with her again which made my life glow even brighter now. We lived happily together with mom.

But there is still missing somewhere here in my heart.

Nakapagtapos na ako ng pag-aaral. Business ang tinapos ko and I'm now working at my Dad's company. Saakin niya pinamana at hindi kay Greg. Believe it or not, mas mayaman ang mga company ni Greg kaysa saamin. Alam niyo naman kung ano siya diba? *wink* Wala din naman kasing interest si Gustin sa business. Kaya niregaluhan siya ni Greg ng isang music studio. Nagtuturo na din siya ng music class lalo na sa mga instruments.

I already parked my car in the parking lot and started to walk around the stores of the city. I'm feeling so much cold. I can feel the cold of the snow creeping through my sleeves touching my skin. I hugged myself and entered a coffee shop. I think I should take a hot drink to warm my body.

Going back to the days when I was so young. Hindi ko maimagine ngayon na pinagdaanan ko yun lahat. Na halos araw araw akong nagmumura, umiinom, naninigarilyo at kung ano anong pagrerebelde ang ginawa ko noon. Masasabi kong grabe ang pinagbago ko ngayon.

I don't drink and smoke anymore. Being so much depressed wasn't bad after all. Marami akong natutunan at nakita ko ang realidad ng buhay. Hindi mo kailangan laging sinisisi ang sarili mo at nakapaligid sayo sa lahat ng trahedyang nangyayare sayo. Minsan, kinakailangan mong tanggapin nalang ito at sabayan ang takbo ng buhay.

Narealize kong doon nanggagaling ang lakas ko. Sa bawat iyak na sinasayang ko, sa bawat over think at mukmok na ginagawa ko, narealize kong hindi sa lahat ng oras ay yun ang solution. Kinakailangan mo lang maging matatag at lakas ng loob para kayanin lahat ng pinagdadaanan mo.

Hindi ko din lubos na maisip na lumaki akong naniwala sa mga kasinungalingan. Lumaki akong mali ang pagkakaintindi ko. Lumaki akong rebelde na simula pa lang ay hindi ko dapat ginawa dahil kung sino pa yung mga taong kinamumuhian at pinagtatabuyan ko noon, sila pa yung walang sawang kakaprotekta at gumagawa ng lahat para sa ikabubuti ko.
I was blind back then. I did not love my life but instead I cursed it. I almost gave up on our Lord which is the worst thing I have thought in my whole existence. I was so damn stupid. All I did was to curse all the things and people surrounding me. I was welcoming negatives instead of positives. I was allergic to attention and love. But I've realized that LOVE was the only antidote to end my sufferings but I was to blind and numb to know it.