The Game

Chapter 58

Serena

He did it. He sued him. Dean lost his job. He officially hates me now. We are going to the court tomorrow. I tried to call Dean, but he isn't picking up. I went by his house, but he's not opening. I am going to deny everything. No one has proof that, that night happened. So as long as I can get him off that, it will be fine. I hope.

"Serena, food is ready." Carrie says with a quiet and sad voice. The house has been awfully quiet since I found out he sued him. We got into a big fight. I think we both said some things that we regret. Things like- I wish you have died instead of mom. It was like someone punched him really hard in the stomach when I said it. I think that's the meanest thing I have ever said to him. I also told him to sign me up for that boarding school so I don't have to look at him anymore. That I don't regret. I want to leave. So bad. There's nothing left for me here right now. I just want to get as far away as I possible. I have already started packing. He on the other hand did say some pretty mean things too, so we got a little carried away. He said that if he knew that I would turn out like this he would have told my mom to get an abortion.

I got into a fight with Dean too. I went over to him again, after he lost his job. I have never seen anyone look at me with such spite as he did. 'Your own fucking dad hates you, I hate you, everyone fucking hates you, so just do us all a favor and get the hell away!' It was the first time I heard him curse. I think that's when I decided I want to leave. It's true what he said. I know more people who hate me than like me. Maybe I really just need somewhere else to stay. It will be better for everyone. Then my dad can get his peace and not worry about me.

"Serena.. the food's ready.." Carrie says again. I totally forgot all about her.

"I'm not hungry." I say.

"I can come with the food upstairs, if you want to."

"No thanks, I'm really not hungry." I say and she looks at me for a second then shrugs her shoulders and closes the door.

I'll leave after the trials. I didn't want to attend in first place, but then David told me that I would be arrested if I didn't. Neal tried to talk to my dad. It didn't help. Once he has set his mind on something it is nearly impossible to change. You have probably noticed- he didn't flinch when I said that I would kill myself. I honestly don't know what to do. Dean will get in trouble no matter what. All because of me. It's true what K.C once said, I'm always messing things up. I am so sick of it. I never wanted this to happen. I shouldn't have stayed at his place. This would never happen if I hadn't stayed at his place. It would never have happened if Tori could just keep her big mouth shut. It would never have happened if Rachel didn't tell everyone about it. It would never happen if I just had stayed at the party that night. No matter how much I want to blame others for this, I can't. It's my own fault in the end. And seeing him pay for my mistake is unbearable. I was the one who pushed him to sleep with me. He never wanted it. I remember during the act he wanted to stop but I kept holding on to him. He freaked out when he found out I was a virgin, but I told him to go on. He has been so kind to me and this is his payment. He let me stay at his house and I took advantage of it. God, I am stupid. I am ruining his life.

Maybe I should go for a walk. I am drowning in this guilt. How does he afford things now? He doesn't have a job. What if he has a lot of things to pay and can't pay the house rent. Maybe I should take the savings my dad made for me and give it to him. No, he will just be mad. Besides he has his family, they will help him if it ends up really bad.

I put on my shoes and take my jacket. I need some fresh air. I open the door when I hear my dad walking behind me.

"Where are you going?" He asks with a harsh voice. It's like my sweet and loving father is gone. He looks at me differently, talks to me differently and is being a whole other person.