The Darkest Pleasures

Chapter 19

These next few chapters are strictly going to be about Harry and how he copes without Hazel. No worries Hazel will come back. She always does. Each chapter will count from the day that he last saw Hazel. They will then add up until the point he meets back up with her again.

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Chapter 19

-One Day Later

I just laid there in my bed. I don’t know how long I have been lying here, but I did notice there was a bit of sunlight poking through the bottom of my bedroom curtains. So I’m guessing it’s now morning. I don’t even remember when I came back in last night. After Hazel left I just stood in that cold, dim lighted dingy bathroom I believe for hours; hoping that there was a chance that she would walk back in. I don’t even know how long I even stood there actually. I think they actually kicked me out because the club was closing. I really don’t remember. I don’t even fully remember how I got home; everything seemed to be a blackout. All I remember from last night was being with Hazel in that back bathroom stall and just laying here in my bed.

The only think I could think about while laying here in my bed was Hazel, but she is really all I ever think about. But my one real question was I ever going to see her again? I mean the last time she said was just a week ago. Then last night happened. The both of us bumping into each other every few weeks was a normal routine for us. So who says that won’t happen again? She will come back soon. She always does, it will happen. She will call me and beg for proper shag or maybe even finally that date of ours that we had planned out. Hazel will come back. She has too.

Without thinking about it or even knowing how it happened it was night time again and I somehow went from my bed back to that alley where everything changed. I was replaying all that happened that night. Except my thoughts didn’t exactly match what really happened in that alley. Out of nowhere this figure emerged yelling things at me that I didn’t quite understand. It seemed like a different language to me at the time. I couldn’t see the face of the person, he was covered in the shadows that embarked the alley way. For a moment there was silence, that’s when the physically abusive nature took place.  It was like that dark and twisted night all over again in the alley, but yet it was very different. I had the same internal feeling, but I wasn't getting beaten up by Raymond, I was the one who was the one throwing the punches, and kicking the defenseless character that was lying on the ground. In a way I felt powerful. Punch after punch and kick after kick I felt like I wasn't as weak as I imagined myself to be that night. I wasn't vulnerable feeling for once.

At one point I was looking up at my surroundings in my dream. Everything was dark and sorrow filled. That's until my eyes crossed paths with hers. Her hazel eyes had a look of disappointment and fear in them. It was a look of Hazels that I wasn't used too.

She walked over to me, and put her arm on my shoulder.

"How could you? I loved him." She said pointing at the now lifeless corpse that I assumed beat to death.

"I thought you loved me?" I asked while looking her straight in the eyes.

“No, I loved him. And now he is gone." Hazel said starting to cry.

Hazel then sat down next to the dead body and turned him so I could see his face.

That's when I stared at the face I was very familiar with, same curly hair and green eyes. It was only a sight I ever saw in mirrors. I didn't understand how I was the one that was beating myself but yet at the same time being the one that was being beaten.

Then there was what Hazel was saying about me to me. Did she really love me or was it my subconscious drunken self-playing tricks with me again?

I stared blankly at what was laying before me. There I was a lifeless body intertwined in her arms. Then there I was standing before her with blood encrusted fists.  I was still in shock from what I had technically done to myself. I just didn't understand.