The Darkest Pleasures

Chapter 43

Chapter 43

Hazel's POV

It has been over ten minutes since Harry or I have last said anything. The fact that he could get so easily upset over just one of the many things I am about to tell him scares me. He doesn’t even I know how after that first weekend things really started to go downhill. He didn't know about my already bruised skin the moment I told him I would go on a proper date with him. He didn't know about the verbal abuse and physical abuse I had moments before texting him saying the idea of us wasn’t going to happen. I was looking out for what I thought was his best interests. How was I supposed to know he would take my rejection towards him like that? It is my entire fault that the both of us are here. If I would have ignored him the night after that first bar over a year ago, neither of us would be in this situation. He could have been happy. I know I wouldn't have been happy. Ray would have found me regardless. I guess I deserve everything he dishes out to me. Every slap across the face, every kick to the stomach and every time he raped me. I deserve it that is because I am a terrible person and I will always be.

“I guess the next incident I had with Ray was the night before I agreed to go on that date with you.” I started to say.

It was one of those nights where the only way I could block out both my mental and physical pain was to do a couple lines of coke.   Most of the time with others it tended to give them this high were they were more hyperactive. For me it tended to mellow me out and give me light hallucinations. They were often good hallucinations. It created a great way for me to escape in my art. Something I haven’t done a whole bunch lately.

Most of the time when I am painting I don’t know how much time has passed or really what I am actually painting, but once I came out to that high I realized that I painted a picture of him.  Harry in many shades of blue, which might have represented the deep sorrow I had towards our current relationship we had between each other. Everything was all blue, all except really for his tattoos. Those were in other colors, even though on his flesh they were black.  It wasn’t a painting that showed his face directly. I probably when I was painting it I didn’t want to face him, like how I don’t want to even do in real life. Ever since Ray told me to end things with him. He has been texting me every day since I left his place that morning. The last time I could really be with him. The thought of that made my heart hurt, which I don’t know why, because I repeatedly told myself I could not love him, nor could he love me. 

I started to cry at the thought of this. I wanted things to be that simple. Where the lost and troubled girl could call her knight in shining armor to come and protect her. I wanted Harry to be my knight to take me from this pain inflicted life. I wanted to for once in my life to be free. I felt that with him for a brief period with him. All until that phone call from Ray, that’s when my freedom ended.

There was a light knocking at my door. I really didn’t want to be bothered. I just wanted to sit here and look at this painting of Harry and think about what almost could be……my happiness.

“Hazel dear, I know it’s a bit late but a young sweet man is here to see you.” My mother said with absolute glee.

For a brief moment I thought that maybe Harry was here to see me, which brought a smile to my face. However it wasn’t Harry that walked through my bedroom door. It was Ray, and that’s when my heart sunk.

“I heard that you and Ray are back together. I honestly couldn’t be any happier for the two of you. I always loved you Raymond.” My mother said giving a soft shoulder squeeze as he entered my bedroom.

“I’m really happy about it too Mrs. Emerson. Hazel is and will always be my one true love.” He said starting to head into my room.

“You two have always been good for each other. I will let you two be.” She said slowly heading out of my room.