The Darkest Pleasures

Chapter 38

Chapter 38

-300 Days Later

It is day thirty of my rehabilitation here a New Directions. It's weird to still be in this kind of atmosphere after thirty days. Everyone is so positive, Aaron and I often joke about how no one can be that positive all the time. The two of us have become quite the friends. It's strange how two completely different people can bond so well. I told him as much as I could remember about my time with Hazel, and the stories about how Avery and Hazel were friends back in high school. Whenever I vented to him about her, he would always give an active ear. Then I would do the same whenever he told me stories of his past as well. I learned that he was wanted by at least three gangs in London, either for wanting him to join as a recruit or for him to be killed. It was really crazy to hear about this other side of life that London could have.

According to Aaron I've built up some arm muscle the past month, nut not enough to yet hold my own fight. So we continue to train just about every day. I started to show him how to play the guitar, but he keeps telling me that this won't be the favor I owe him someday. Which I guess I am fine with. It is just nice to share some of my almost wasted talent for being in here.

I have been contemplating on writing a song for an upcoming album or something someday. My emotions however, haven't really been in the right frame of mind for it. Doctor Westfork gave me a journal a week in for me to write about whatever I wanted. Most of them time it's just me writing down utter nonsense based on my opinions here. I can see myself deep down wanting to change and be more positive, but I can't. I really don't want to either, and it's all because of her.

My first week here at New Directions, when I was going through my cocaine withdrawal stages I kept seeing her wherever I went. I told Aaron about seeing Hazel, but he told me it was just my paranoia, that she wasn't actually here, because he couldn't see her when I told him that she was sitting at the end of my bed. That week I also didn't sleep much, I couldn't. I kept feeling this burning feeling of adrenaline and lack of adrenaline coursing through my body. All according to Aaron were symptoms of my body trying to detox itself from the illegal chemicals I put into my body.

My mother came and visited once, she cried the entire time. I felt bad for making her feel this way, especially during the part where she started to blame herself. I didn't know what to say at that point because it wasn't really her fault for the way I was at this point in life; I wanted to tell her all about what has happened during this past year. But I had a feeling that she wouldn't really understand much of what I would say. However it was nice to see her though. She continued to tell me the entire time that she would be there for me the day I would be released from this place.

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It was a typical Tuesday for me here at New Directions. I had just got done with my group drug addiction session and I was lying on my bed until Aaron decided to show up from whatever he did at this time on Tuesday so we could go practice lifting weights.

I wouldn't say I would nap during this time, because it normally wasn't too long until Aaron showed up. I would just lie there and picture my life the way I wish it was. I would wish I was remotely sane and happy again, back to when I actually enjoyed being in a band. Or I would think about how my life would be right now if I had never tried out for the X Factor. Would I have a wife and kids by now, or would I be going to school and working at the bakery? I guess I could have been anything if I didn't end up where I did right now.

"So I heard that there is this new girl that just came in yesterday down the hall." Aaron said with an eager face barging into our room.

"Yeah so." I mumbled back while I started to sit up from my bed.