The Darkest Pleasures

Chapter 27

Chapter 27

-200 Days Later

It’s been a little over a month since Avery has come into my life and I guess has tried to be my therapist. I mean we talk from time to time, and then have sex from time to time. It’s nice to know that someone is there for you, I guess in a sense of friendship. In a way we’ve learned a lot about each other, like she works in the top end of fashion industry. I also learned that she for starters isn’t even English. Her accent could have easily fooled me. She is actually from the United States and lives in a state called Rhode Island. Then I guess she went to a boarding school in Connecticut with Hazel and that’s how they met each other. She hasn’t mentioned anything else about her relationship with Hazel since then. However, she does really always pester me about wanting to talk about how I feel about Hazel. It’s a bit strange, because all of the things she has asked it seems like she is trying learn about her long lost best friend. It’s like in way she is trying to reconnect with her, but not actually with her.

I have yet to actually learn about how their friendship came to an end. I’ve mentioned once or twice, but then she would just change the subject or ask me if I wanted to do a line of coke with her.  She likes to do that often, I learned. I mean I don’t mind, I do it every time she wants too. Then there are times where I just do a line here at home by myself to help me forget my sad existent state of life I am currently having. As of right now doing cocaine is a fun new experience and in a way it helps with the sex drive, hell I feel like the energizer bunny whenever I’m on that shit. I have lost a few pounds since I started doing it more regularly, it’s probably because I never eat because of it and then have sex all the time. So I’m looking a little more tone, not that I didn’t before. But, that’s beside the point.

The guys don’t know about Avery yet, and to be honest I probably won’t tell them. Knowing about Avery really is on a need to know basis, and they don’t need to know. They would only judge me like they always do. First Niall would like he would be on the verge of tears, because somehow that’s just now how brothers should act, then he would blame himself for not really being a good enough brother. Then there will be Liam who will try to lecture me on it. Then there would be Zayn who would just call me out on my bullshit. Then finally I can just see the look of Louis’s face; it would be one of pure disgust, like it usual is with me now these days. Then he would somehow throw me under the bus by say I’m ruining the band because what I’m doing doesn’t really put up a good image. So for the sanity of myself and really for them it’s the best that they don’t know anything.

I keep having this nagging voice lately that keeps telling me to better for them, but I just try to brush that voice to somewhere else in my head. We are different people now and that makes things difficult. They won’t change the way they are, and I really don’t want to change myself either. So really there is no win-win situation. I only have to make it through what I believe is one more year and then I’m free from all of this, and especially free from them. I can do whatever I want without destroying the ever so sacred boy band image.

“I can hear you grinding your teeth all the way over here. What are you thinking about?” Avery said getting up from the recliner and moved over to the couch where I was sitting.

“It’s nothing.” I mumbled.

She gave me a once overlook the proceeded to smirk.

“Clearly it’s not anything.” She said leaning closer to me to put her head on my shoulder.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” I said while shrugging her off my shoulder.

“Well is it about Hazel?”

“No it’s surprisingly not about her for once. It’s actually about you.”

“About me? Why?” She said while sitting up very fast.