The Darkest Pleasures

Chapter 41

Chapter 41

So it was Sunday. Today was the day that Hazel wanted to me meet her by the tree and then she would explain everything. The thought of what would happen today caused me to toss and turn all night. Actually I don’t think I got any sleep. All I could do was think about her, and her possible reasons for staying out of my life and how on earth she could marry a monster like that.  I had a feeling that Aaron knew I was tossing and turning all night, because he seemed just as tired as me. Meaning I must have kept him up through the night as well.

I did tell Aaron about what Hazel and I talked about in the isolation rooms. He seemed just as confused as I was about the entire situation.

“I do think you should talk to her though. It might help you sort things out.” Aaron said once the both of us seemed to have woken up.

It was funny how he seemed to know exactly what I was thinking.

“I don’t know. I’m really pissed off at her; I don’t want to have another one of my episodes like I did a few days ago.” I complained.

“I guess that’s true. The more of those you have the longer you get stuck in this nut house.” Aaron rambled.

“So I am probably not going to go. “ I said standing up and walking near our bedroom window.

Our window opened up to the courtyard. I could see the big oak tree that she said for me to meet at. It sat dead center of the courtyard. It had one bench in front of it.  I had sat out there once, one of the first few days I was here. It was the first few days when my body was trying to detox the cocaine toxins out of my system, and the days when I was still angry for being placed here. When I was out there I would stare at the foundation that was directly across from me. It was soothing to look at. Then as days went on, it’s where I often found myself being able to write more. Whether that is how I was feeling that day, or a possible song for the boys and I’s next possible album.

“Are you sure? You just the other day you were talking about how you wanted to question her about everything? Now you go and change your mind, it doesn’t make any sense to me.” Aaron said shaking his head.

“I in all truthfulness don’t want anything to do with her anymore.” I spat.

“Does it have something to do with her being married to him?” He asked.

I balled my hands up into fists when he brought up the fact that she was married and could no longer be mine. That was something that I didn’t tell him. Really no one knows how much that bothered me. Not even Dr. Westfork. I wanted to tell him the other day he was right about my feelings towards her being still there, but I wanted to keep denying them in hopes they will leave my mind faster. Therefore forgetting Hazel and then finally getting out of here for good.

“Yeah I think it does. I mean how could she……she marry that type of person. I knew she was messed up, but I clearly didn’t know she was that messed up. He murdered her best friend…….could you even begin to love that kind of person. “I said hitting the wall.

At that moment I saw Aaron tense up. He knew he had hit a button of mine, and I could see the thought process in his eyes if he wanted to press it any further.

“So you want to forget her all together than?”  He asked after a few minutes of hard thinking.

“Yeah, that’s the plan.” I said while still looking out the window.

That’s when I saw her. I guess I must have fallen asleep at one point resulting in a time later than I thought it was.

 She was already walking out there with her notebook in hand. She looked less fragile today.  Her hair was tied up in a bun, and what I could tell her cheeks looked rosy instead of the paleness that I saw in them the last time I looked at her.