The Darkest Pleasures

Chapter 23

Chapter 23

-137 Days Later: Part 1

Last night I had another nightmare. This time I was standing in the alley all alone, except for towards the back end of the alley where just a little bit of light was shown. That’s where she stood. But she wasn't alone like in the rest of the nightmares I’ve had about her. This time Raymond was with her. He had a firm grasp on her; it was more like a death grip.  The grip was almost to the point where she wasn’t allowed to move anywhere, especially out of his site. I could see the look of worry and fear in her eyes. Just like that night where everything happened. I tried to move forward to her, but I couldn’t move. My feet were glued in this spot. The more I attempted to move in her direction, there was a deepening pain that started to grow in Hazel’s eyes. It seemed like Raymond was pulling the life slowly out of her with every movement I made.  That's when I started yelling at for him to stop, but that only made matters worse. Which each word that slipped from my mouth resulted with her being beaten in some form of way, which in the end only caused me to scream and yell more for Raymond to stop what he was doing.

Luckily form me that nightmare didn't last too long after that. But just the thought of the dream being real scares me. Just the thought of seeing her last week with my own two eyes scares me. To me it sometimes doesn't make much sense. She did send me a note saying I could look for her, and then when I do get a glimpse of her, she bolts away like zebra running away from a lion. Another part that really is starting to scare me was the fact that, I was I believe finally starting to get over her. I was slowly starting to cutting down on the drinking and the reckless behavior. However now that she just pulled that again, I don't know what will happen with me. The chances of me falling back in to the same pattern are pretty high.

This past week hasn’t been the best of weeks for me either, besides the whole Hazel debacle going on, word got out for the press about me punching Louis. So since the press found out about that I've noticed that the paparazzi has been camped outside of my place for the past few days, just waiting for me to leave my flat. Most likely they are trying to get some sort of statement out of me about why I wanted to punch him. I'm not surprised; my punch left Louis with a pretty intense looking purple eye. My current thought over the whole situation keeps crossing back and forth. Part of me feels a smidge upset that I punched him. Then there is this other part of me that feels like the snarky asshole deserved it.

So until this publicity all dies down or when we officially start touring in about 2 months the plan is just too practically stay at home. I know I sound lame, but I don’t want to answer questions on why I punched Louis, because that would then bring up thoughts of her. Thoughts of Hazel just plague my mind in ways that I don’t want to think about anymore, but at times it’s so difficult, because she’s all I ever think about again.

I was distracted mid thought at the consistent banging on my flat’s door. I was really hoping that this wasn’t management coming here to give me a stern lecture about everything that has been going on, because right now I have no fucks to give. The closer I got to the door, the louder and more persistent the knocks became on the door, whoever it was really wanted in.

Once I finally did get to the door, the knockings silenced. This was strange because just a moment ago it sounded like it was the Hulk trying to stop by for a visit. So I just shrugged it off, then headed back to the couch to willow in some more of my self-pity, which I was starting to become a pro at.

As I started to turn around and head by to my lonely spot on the couch, I head my door handle start to move. If this was Liam or Niall playing a trick on me at the moment, I was about sock them in the face the moment they walked in.

The door started to open slowly. Then finally a figure stood right in front of me.

“Why the fuck didn’t you let me in you pubic haired head?” Dick said barging into my flat and proceeding to fluff my hair.