Remember for me

Chapter thirty four:

Double update bc I couldn't post the last chapter without adding this one! Agh! Btw look at the attaches picture! It was adorable. And it fits the baby's name!

"Your baby was stillborn?" Ellie asked, her face in shock.

Meredith nodded grimly, thinking back to the sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach the day she was told her baby wasn't going to have a life.

"What would someone even think of that? I wouldn't know how to think if that was me!" Zola exclaimed.

Meredith sighed and nodded, agreeing with Zola "your brain thinks of the dumbest things in moments of crisis. I thought of the nursery that wouldn't ever have a baby. I was heartbroken, because I'd failed to keep the tiny human I'd made alive"

Bailey sighed, and gave his Mother a sad smile "it sucks that happened. A brother would've been a nice change of pace around here"

"Shut up Bailey!" Lexie exclaimed, throwing a pillow.

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Meredith's POV:

Everything seemed to move in slow motion after that. I remember seeing lips moving, but no sound. I remember being in the delivery room, getting my labor induced, but I had no clue how I'd gotten there. I was floating, moving through the motions but not really remembering.

I remember when I had to push, and I remember when he was born. I was waiting to hear the loud echos of a baby screeching, but was greeted with silence as another reminder that my child was born sleeping, and would forever stay that way.

~

Michael Joseph Sloan-Grey was born on May 20th at 12:01am. He was tiny, even for a 28 weeker. At 2 pounds, 2 ounces and 14.6 inches long, he was the tiniest baby I'd ever seen.

They let us hold him for a short time. He had a head of my blonde hair, but Marks gorgeous blue eyes. He had my dainty ears, Marks cheekbones, my little chin and Marks nose. He definitely had a perfect mix of myself and Marks best features.

When they asked what we wanted to do, cremation or burial, I froze. He'd been born not even four hours before and I was already forced to say goodbye. It felt like my heart had been ripped from my chest, and I started to sob. Giant, body wracking, hiccuping sobs that didn't seem like they'd ever stop.

Mark tried to comfort me, but that only succeeded in making me even more upset. I just wanted to cry, without anyone touching me or asking me if I was okay or what I wanted done with the corpse that was supposed to be my happy, healthy and alive little baby.

When I'd finally subsided to small, quiet tears, the door to our hospital door burst open.

It was Derek.

We hadn't told anyone about the baby, we were planing on doing that once we had ourselves collected enough to be able to say it out loud, so Derek standing there was a bit of a surprise.

"I heard some nurses talking! They said the Grey-Sloan baby came five hours ago! Why didn't anyone call me? Is he in the NICU? He was extremely early!"

I started to sob all over again. Derek came and sat beside me, gently rubbing my back "what's wrong?" He asked quizzically.

"The baby..." Mark sighed "we came in for a check up and they couldn't find a heartbeat. They induced Meredith in labor to deliver our still born son" it was almost like Mark physically couldn't hold up whatever walls he'd been keeping up, because his voice cracked and he started to cry.

"Go find Lexie" I say through my tears "go. Tell her what happened"

"Meredith I can't leave you alone. He was our baby, OUR baby"

"You're in love with my sister. And she loves you back" I state simply "we both need to be with the people we love. And it isn't each other"

Mark looks at Derek, who was looking at me, and nodded. "Meredith, I'll always love you. Just not as my wife" with that, he left the room.

"Meredith I am so sorry this happened to you" Derek sighs into my hair.

"Me too" I say sadly.

But my son taught me something. He never had a breath in his lungs, a beat to his heart or a blink of his eyes outside of the safe haven my stomach was, but he still taught me something. Something important.

Life was too short to spend it miserable, to spend it with the wrong person, to spend it wishing you were spending it another way.

I was going to grieve the loss of my son, I was going to be flooded with pain and anger. But I would go on, I'd live on. And I'd live my life the way I wanted it to.

Happily.

a/n- this chapter is sad :( I don't like writing about people dying. But it fit into the story and I can't ignore that.

Thanks for reading! Only two chapters left before this story is over! I'm gonna miss it :(

Vote if you love the story and comment if you can't wait for the next chapter!!!!

~Daisy