Ashes

Admit you're tired

Matt

All week in the hospital, Lucas was an angel. The moment we stepped into our home he was restless and would not give Gabby a break. I rolled over again to find Gabby slowly walking our bedroom, trying to get Lucas to settle. "You okay baby?" I asked sitting up. "What do you think Matt?" She shot back. I slowly got up and walked over to her and our crying son and placed my hands on her shoulders. "Not now." "Gabs it's okay to admit you're tired. Neither of us have slept and we need to help each other. Let me take him." She passed him over and I bundled him into my arms with the blankets. "I've tried everything. He's not too hot or cold, and he's dry." "Did you try feeding him?" "He wouldn't take anything." I looked down at our crying baby as he spat the pacifier from his mouth. "I think he's hungry Gabs." "I already tried," she said obviously frustrated. "He's still getting used to feeding baby." I sat down on our bed and Gabby sat down beside me. She placed the nursing pillow on her lap and I placed Lucas into her arms. He slowly took to her and his cries softened as he got what he wanted. "There you go baby," I whispered gently rubbing his head. Gabby laid her head back and rested it against my shoulder. "Thank you." "I didn't do anything, you're the one that made it better," I smiled. "I don't know what I'm going to do once you go back to work." "If you're calm, he's calm. You're a great mother Gabby. Don't doubt yourself."

Gabby was asleep before Lucas, but he happily kept feeding in her arms as she slept on my shoulder. Once he'd finished I placed the pacifier in his mouth and his sucked on it with his eyes closed. Gently, I moved Gabby so she was leaning back against the pillows, and then moved Lucas back into the bassinet. "Is he asleep?" Gabby mumbled. "Yeah." I crawled back in beside her and wrapped her in my arms, "go to sleep." "Mm, I'm going to have to get upon a few hours anyway, we are going to the firehouse remember?" "We've got all day to do that. It's still only early hours of the morning, get some rest." She nodded and let a sigh escape her lips as she lay against me.

The next time I woke it was 8 o'clock, and I was surprised we hadn't yet been woken by the baby. I guess Gabby was up only a few hours ago with him again. To see her sleeping beside me made me smile, and I slowly crawled out of bed. After grabbing our son, we quietly left the room so Gabby could get some more sleep. "Time to give your mummy a rest little man," I cooed as Lucas looked up to me. He was reasonably content this morning, hopefully he would be calm all day. I changed his diaper and then packed the nappy bag so Gabby wouldn't have to do it later before we left for the firehouse. Sometimes I wish I could do more to help her, to be more apart of settling Lucas so she could take a break, but he's such a mummy's boy. "Good morning," I smiled seeing Gabby trudge sleepily down the stairs. "I was hoping you'd sleep longer." "I just woke up on my own, nice not to wake up to a crying baby," she smiled as I kissed her lips gently. "How's your stomach this morning?" "Alright, stitches are still sore and bending over still hurts but in general I'm feeling better." "Good. Now what did you want for breakfast. Pancakes?" She smiled at me. She knew I knew she wanted pancakes. "You take our Bub and sit down and relax, I'll cook pancakes." "Matthew Casey, I love you so much." "I love you too Gabby," I smiled, "and you little man."