Darling You've Got Your Demons | Kaylor

three

Karlie

Two weeks had passed since Taylor had come to visit us. Her visit was still in my mind and I thought about her nearly every day. Truth be told, I was sure that, if I spent more time with her (let's face it, that was unlikely) there was a definite chance of me falling in love with her. That was terrifying. I had never been in love before, and my first experience was with someone I could never be with.

I shook the thought out of my mind as I zipped up my suitcase and helped my sister carry my things out to the car. After nearly three months in treatment, I was finally well enough to leave. Cara was also leaving today. She had arrived around the same time that I did, and we immediately hit it off. Despite all of the shit she had to endure in her life, she always kept a pretty positive attitude. Sure, she was very loud and a bit annoying at times, but she didn't bullshit you and she was a great friend.

The car ride back to my apartment consisted mostly of my sister Kristine questioning me about how I was feeling, how treatment was, if I still had a job, etc. I stayed as silent as possible, responding with only a yes or a no when possible. I loved my sisters, but right now I just wanted to be alone for a bit; something that had rarely happened in the past three months. All I wanted to do was put on my comfy pajamas and eat junk food and curl up with a good book or tumblr for a few hours before returning to the "real world."

Pulling into the parking lot of my apartment complex, Kristine gently kissed my forehead. "I'm really proud of you, Karlie," she whispered, holding my gaze for a second before unbuckling her seatbelt and leaving the car to grab my stuff from the trunk. I followed her and refused her offer to stay with me for the night, telling her to send love to the twins. Removing the key ring from my purse, I inserted my key into its lock for the first time in three months. I pushed the door open and flicked the light switch to "on."

Walking through the small apartment for the first time in three months was strange. Everything felt so familiar yet so foreign. I placed my suitcase in my bedroom and collapsed onto my bed, spreading my limbs apart like a starfish. My phone was still on my bedside table, just like this was any other night before treatment. I plugged it in and waited for it to turn back on.

As I stared at the ceiling, I contemplated the diagnosis I had been given during the first week of treatment. Borderline Personality Disorder. I had barely heard of it before going to treatment, and it had never occurred to me that there was a reason that I was fucked up. I had always thought that it was somehow my fault for not trying hard enough or something like that. Sure, I knew most of the things that I was doing were originally my choice, but it really helped me to discover that I had a reason for thinking those thoughts, feeling those urges, etc.

My phone finally turned on and I rolled over on my bed so it could still charge while I was using it. Picking it up, I noticed I had over 1,000 unread emails and texts. I sighed. Disappearing for three months was a lot of work. My finger hovered over my email app, but I decided to make myself worry about it in the morning. I was a procrastinator. Then, I clicked on tumblr, subjecting myself to at least two hours of scrolling. I had told my followers that I was going to treatment, and many of them had been very understanding and sympathetic. My blog was about 90% Taylor Swift, but I also shared personal thoughts and experiences whenever I felt the need to get something off my chest.

I looked at a few of the top posts of my dash, then checked Taylor's page to see what she had been up to. Then I noticed the insane amount of notes I had gathered on my account. I clicked on the lightning bolt and scrolled through notifications of new followers, likes and reblogs. I was moving so fast that I almost missed something that would change my life.

As I was scrolling, one of my new follower's username jumped out at me. At first, I thought I just read it wrong or it was a trick of the light, but it wasn't. My heart began to beat as fast as the hooves of a racehorse. My throat suddenly turned dry as I reread the message:

taylorswift has followed darlingivegotmydemons

And, beneath that, I saw that she had liked every single post on my blog, an almost romantic gesture.... It was like leaving a single red lipstick kiss on each open wound of my past.

Taylor

According to what she told me two weeks ago, Karlie was getting out of treatment today. I was so excited for all of the patients, especially her. For some reason, I hadn't been able to stop thinking about her these past few weeks. I had been trying to shove these new feeling towards the back of my head, but it wasn't easy. Her face, so full of hope and potential, had been engraved into my mind.

As soon as I'd returned home from the rehab center, I'd searched endlessly for Karlie's tumblr. She had mentioned something about having one, and I wanted to see for myself what went on beneath those mysterious green eyes. In the end, I had to ask Tree, my publicist, for help. She was able to find the blog in less than an hour. I don't know what I would do without her.

I had Karlie's blog up in a separate tab on my computer, and for days I combed through the entirety of it, making sure to like every single post. There wasn't any rhyme or reason for it, at least not one that I would admit, but I just felt that Karlie would like a surprise or two when she finally came home. It was only after I'd liked every one of her posts that I hit the follow button.

Now, as I refreshed my page, I noticed that she'd posted something about her being back from treatment and promising more action soon. I clicked on her blog again, and hovered over the "message" icon. I hesitated for a minute. Was this too weird? Was I being too stalker-y? I sighed. I typed out a short private message, asking her if she wanted to meet at Starbucks sometime soon. Before I could chicken out, I clicked send.

Karlie

I blinked as I slowly woke up; sunlight streaming through my bedroom windows forcing my eyes shut once again. I stayed in bed for a while, embracing the warmness and purity of the sunshine and of being able to wake up at whatever time I wanted. I grabbed my phone off my nightstand as I rolled over onto my stomach. As I scrolled through my notifications, I noticed that I had a private tumblr message from Taylor.

Wait...what?

I blinked rapidly, thinking that I was most likely hallucinating, or dreaming. But, nope, it was still there, clear as day. My hand shaking slightly, I clicked on the message and read:

Hi Karlie! I've been thinking about you a lot, and I really think that it would be cool for the two of us to talk again sometime. You're so incredibly sweet, and I totally think we could be best friends! Okay, too forward, but I really would enjoy seeing you again. Maybe can meet at Starbucks tomorrow around 10:30? If not, just let me know what time works for you. I'm not doing much work-wise right now, so I'll most likely be in the city. Hope I'll get to see you again!

<3 Taylor