Darling You've Got Your Demons | Kaylor

twenty six

Trigger Warning: self harm, among other things

Song of the chapter: "Breathe Me" Sia

Karlie

As soon as we got back home, I was overcome by an overwhelming sense of nausea. I sprinted into the bathroom and threw up into the toilet. Seconds later, Taylor ran into the bathroom. She knelt next to me, pulled my hair back, and rubbed my back comfortingly.

I slumped down onto the floor and put my head in my hands. "How much did you have to drink?" Taylor whispered.

I hung my head in shame, swallowing against the lump in my throat. "I...I don't really remember. She kept buying me drinks, and I kept drinking them. I don't know why."

Taylor offered me a small smile. "It's okay, I'm not mad. Don't worry."

I slowly stood up. "I just...I need to shower real quick."

Taylor nodded. "Okay." She grabbed me a towel and left the room.

I pulled off my clothes and stepped into the shower, purposely avoiding the mirror. As soon as the hot water hit my skin, I began to cry again. I felt so dirty. I felt so violated. My trembling fingers skimmed over my neck and chest, but all I could feel was her her lips and hands pressing into my skin, touching me in ways that only Taylor should.

I began to rub harder, determined to scrub away any last remnants of her from my memory. My skin was soon red and irritated, but I couldn't stop. I raked my nails across my chest and stomach. No matter what I did, I could still feel her presence.

Taylor

I sat on my bed, scrolling aimlessly through tumblr, but not really seeing any of it. My thoughts were all on Karlie. Was she okay? Of course not, she's just been sexually assaulted. How can she be okay?

I let out a long sigh, tears gathering in my eyes. I wiped them away. When she got out of the shower, we would need to talk about everything. It was inevitable. I would need to tell her about John. And why I freaked out earlier.

I was nervous. I was scared. It wasn't something I enjoyed talking about.

I suddenly realized that Karlie had been in the bathroom for a while now, but I'd heard the shower turn off ten minutes ago. My heart leapt into my throat as I tried to reassure myself worry was irrational.

But it wasn't. That was the problem.

I rolled off the bed and tiptoed to the bathroom. I put my ear to the door, and heard soft sobbing coming from within. I knocked on the door cautiously. "Karlie?" I heard something hitting the floor, like the sound of metal on tile. My heart began to pound faster. "Karlie, are you okay?" I hoped that she couldn't detect the wavering of my voice.

"Yeah, yeah, I-I'm fine. I'll be...I'll be out in a second," she said nonchalantly, but I could detect the suppressed sob through her facade.

"Karlie, I'm coming in."

"NO!" she yelped, pain evident in her voice. "No! You can't...you can't...there's so much blood...please don't come in," she muttered quietly, through her tears.

I frantically turned the doorknob, only to discover that it was locked. "Karlie, unlock the door. Now!" I said, more sharply than I intended to because I was afraid.

Karlie

I stood up slowly, and shakily walked towards the door. The white towel pressed against my stomach was now stained red with blood. I didn't mean to cut this deep. My quivering hands managed to turn the lock.

There was no going back now.

Taylor opened the door. I was too afraid to make eye contact, so I looked at the floor instead. I heard a sharp intake of breath. "Karlie...I...can you move your towel? I need to see them."

I couldn't run now. I was cornered. I was tired. So I let the towel drop to the ground without a complaint.

There was silence for a few long moments. I gathered up my courage and lifted my head. Taylor was staring, frozen at the bleeding word "no" cut into the soft flesh of my stomach. She met my eyes and shook her head rapidly, as if removing herself from a trance.

"Sit down," she said softly. She crossed the room, and carefully picked up the smashed razor, putting it into the trash can. She grabbed a first aid kit from one of the cabinets under the sink and knelt facing me.

For the next few minutes, gentle fingers tended to my wounds, while I tried to calm myself down. When she was done bandaging my cuts, Taylor sat down next to me. "I'm sorry about your razor," I croaked, finally finding my voice, "I'll buy you a new one."

Taylor shook her head, "Don't worry about it. Seriously. That's the least of my worries right now." She was silent for a moment. "Why the word 'no?'" she asked, finally.

I bit my lip. "Because I...I couldn't say it to her. I tried, Taylor, but I just-I just like panicked, and I couldn't say anything, and I'm really sorry that I, like, basically cheated on you, and-"

"Oh, love," she said in realization, "That doesn't matter. Consent isn't just not saying no, consent is a yes. And, even if you didn't say it with your mouth, you said it in other ways. You didn't cheat on me." She looked up at me, and I noticed that she was crying too.

She opened her arms, and I willingly fell into them, allowing my naked body to be reclaimed.