Darling You've Got Your Demons | Kaylor

twenty three

Song of the chapter: "No Light, No Light" Florence and The Machine

Karlie

"God Karlie stop being so fucking selfish!" Taylor announced in frustration. This had been going on for the past twenty minutes. We'd only gotten back from her parents an hour ago. Honestly, I couldn't even remember why we were fighting in the first place. It was probably over something ridiculous. But now that the dam had been opened, all of the small annoyances that had built up were flooding out.

I growled in frustration, springing up from the couch. "HOW THE FUCK AM I THE SELFISH ONE? YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S GONNA BE JET SETTING AROUND THE WORLD IN A FUCKING PRIVATE PLANE AND LEAVING US ALL BEHIND FOR MONTHS!"

Taylor sighed, massaging her temple. "I already told you! That's my job! I can't just quit my job just because it's convenient for you!"

She wasn't even yelling (but her voice was getting more and more high pitched), and for some reason that pissed me off. It was her fault, and she was making me sound like the crazy one. I was resentful and irritated, which was not at all Taylor's fault, but that didn't stop me from somehow forcing the blame onto somebody else. Like I always did.

"YOU'RE JUST ACTING LIKE ONE OF THOSE STUCK UP, SNOBBY CELEBRITIES! YOU'RE JUST LEAVING THE REST OF US HERE ALONE! THAT'S SO UNFAIR!"

She shook her head. "I think you're being unreasonable. Music is my job. Touring and interviews are also part of my job. And I'm...I'm not leaving you. I'll just be gone for a few months. You'll be fine on your own. I can't just give up my tour because you can't stand to be without me for a few days. I have fans everywhere, I can't just cancel this for them."

"GOD, TAYLOR! GROW UP! THE WORLD DOESN'T FUCKING REVOLVE AROUND YOU!"

Taylor

I hugged my knees to my chest as I tried to control the wild pounding of my heart. I tried to push away the voice that in the back of my head that was screaming at me to get out. I was having an disconcerting sense of deja vu.

Karlie was still yelling about god-knows-what. I was having a difficult time staying here, keeping my mind from wandering back to him and his lies and his yelling and all of the fear.

"Dammit, Taylor! Grow up! You're nineteen, start acting like it!" John scoffed, slamming his hand against the table to prove his point. I flinched back, hanging my head in shame. He was right; I'd been acting like a child earlier.

"I'm sorry," I said quietly, my voice raspy from crying. "Abi and I were just joking around. We didn't mean to make you upset."

I shook my head, trying to clear it of all of the memories of the way he'd manipulated me. In hindsight, it seemed so obvious that he was in the wrong. Was it the same with Karlie? Would I regret this, looking back at it?

By this time, I was having a full blown panic attack. Meredith had sprinted out of the room, and I honestly didn't blame her. Karlie was still pacing and screaming at me, unaware of my current predicament.

I strummed the last chord of the song, sighing contentedly as the sound echoed throughout the room. Finally I opened my eyes. "So, what do you think?" I asked him.

John looked up from his laptop. His eyes met mine. He shrugged. "It's fine."

"Oh." My eyes lowered to the ground. I'd spent hours on that song. The sound of typing began, leaving me a bit annoyed. "Where you even listening?"

"Of course I was fucking listening," he snapped, his eyes never leaving the screen. "But I'm really busy right now, okay! I don't have the time to listen to your fairytale love songs. I'll be you don't even know what it's like to work this hard. Your parents do everything for you!"

"I wrote it about us," I said, my voice even smaller. My lip quivered as I tried to keep tears at bay.

He laughed, but it was cold and cynical. "Well, our love isn't a perfect fairytale. This is real life, dammit! Most people think I'm crazy for putting up with you, and sometimes I agree with them!"

"I'm sorry." I'd been crying a lot more lately.

Karlie growled, pausing for breath. Her eyes were narrowed in rage. "DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME EVERYDAY? I HAVE TO CONSTANTLY WORK SO THAT I DON'T GO BACK TO HOW I USED TO BE!" Her hand slammed down against the coffee table. The sound echoed through the apartment. "I HAVE TO WORK SO HARD JUST TO BE NORMAL! YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO UNDERSTAND WHAT I FEEL LIKE, EVER! YOU'RE SO SELFISH!"

"Get out." I whispered the words under my breath, but they had the power to stop time regardless.

Karlie paused, breathing heavily. She turned to me. "What?" she asked in a whisper, as if afraid to be told that she'd heard me correctly.

The heavy burden of fear was sitting on my chest, making it nearly impossible for me to breathe. "You heard me. Get. Out," I managed to say in between shallow breaths.

Karlie was crying now, and I think I was crying too, although I didn't remember starting to. "But I...Taylor, I can-"

"Just leave! Please!" I screeched in a high pitched wail.

Karlie went slowly, or perhaps it only felt that way. As soon as the door scolded behind her, Meredith sprinted back into the room, leaping onto the couch and pushing her way into my lap. I let out a loud sob and I picked her up and held her close to my trembling body.

"Oh my god, Mer. What did I just do?"