Darling You've Got Your Demons | Kaylor

eight

Song of the chapter: "Wildest Dreams" Taylor Swift

Taylor

After the magic of the night had worn off, the consequences came out of hiding and engulfed my mind. It was preposterous to lead Karlie in like this when a relationship between us would certainly end in catastrophe.

But god, it was so good. So, so good. How could I end something when it was just getting good now?

But this is getting good now

She's so tall, and handsome as hell

The lyrics ran through my mind, and, before I knew it, I was bounding out of my room to grab a guitar. Nothing gets you out of bed like a good ole' song idea.

As soon as I found a guitar and my phone, muttering the lyrics as I went, I plopped down in the middle of the hallway and began to write. About thirty minutes later, I had an almost finished song. Sighing, I stretched and put my guitar down. Meredith padded up to me and looked up at me, confused.

"Morning, Mere," I said, scratching her between the ears. "Feelings are confusing, huh." I smiled sadly as I remembered the last time I had been this happy: baking with Dianna late at night. It hadn't ended well between the two of us at all. With another, more prominent, sigh, I slid my back further down the wall.

I had the sudden urge to do something. Anything. Anything but wallow in self-pity. God knows I had done that enough in the past few years. I stood up quickly and walked briskly into the bathroom to shower. I was going to do something productive today.

Karlie

"And then, she just texts me, 'maybe we should talk about last night'! How am I supposed to figure out what that means?" I ran my fingers through my hair, tangling it together.

"Karlie, I think you're being irrational," Dr. Reynolds said. She leaned forward slightly, putting her elbows on the desk, and touching the tips of her fingers together to form a triangle. "You need to try to put yourself into Taylor's perspective. I'm not an expert, but it doesn't seem that she's been particularly lucky in the love department either."

"But-"

"Let me finish. A text like that could be interpreted very differently. There is nothing she's said or done that implies that she regrets anything that happened."

I sighed and slumped further down in my chair, years of ballet going out the window. "Okay," I grumbled. "So what should I do?"

"What do you think?"

I rolled my eyes, but responded anyway. "I should talk to her, and try to figure out what's going on."

Dr. Reynolds nodded. "Exactly. That's the only way a relationship can work: communication."

"I...I just, like, don't know what I want," I said finally, playing with my fingers.

"That's understandable."

"I just, I don't know. I've just been so overwhelmed lately, and obviously I would want like, y'know, a relationship with Taylor or whatever, but I just feel like it's too much of a burden for her. It just feels kind of intimidating. I'm not intimidated by her, I'm just intimidated by....I don't know."

Dr. Reynolds nodded. "It seems like you're feeling confused."

"Duh."

"It think that giving it a try wouldn't hurt, but obviously your recovery should come before anything that could jeopardize it."

I sat up quickly, "Taylor wouldn't jeopardize my recovery!"

"No, of course not. Not on purpose anyway. But the stress of being in a relationship with someone new, especially if that person is a celebrity can be extremely damaging. Fame can be very traumatic."

"Yeah, I get that but," my voice cracked and I blinked rapidly to hold back tears, "Taylor has to go through that everyday, not for just part of a relationship. That's her life. It just...it doesn't seem fair."

"Life's not fair, Karlie. You should know that."

Taylor

I caught myself humming the melody I wrote earlier as I gently placed two pans of cookies into the oven. I contemplated the song as I licked batter out of the bowl. In writing, the lyrics poured out of my lips like liquid as they revealed my deepest emotions:

I was scared of going into another relationship.

I was scared that it would end they same way the others had.

I was scared of moving too quickly, and scaring her away.

I was scared that she would leave because of the cameras and the attention.

I was scared that she would hate me when everything fell apart.

I was scared of not doing anything and letting an opportunity slip away.

I was scared that doing anything would cause this opportunity to slip away.

I was scared.

So I did the only thing I could do: I pulled out my phone, invited Karlie over, and hoped for the best. I was scared, but I was also fearless.