Darling You've Got Your Demons | Kaylor

four

Song of the Chapter: "Begin Again" Taylor Swift

Karlie

As I glanced at my reflection in the mirror one more time, I marveled at the fact that this was actually happening. I was going on a date with Taylor Swift. No, not a date, I reminded myself. This was just her overly-protective nature wanting to check up on me. Although, I thought, I was the only one from treatment that Taylor was checking up on.

Running my hands through my short brown hair, I snagged my purse and slipped on a pair of shoes. One of the only things that I prided myself was my clothing style. I had picked out a maroon shirt, a pair of black distressed jeans, and a black pair of combat boots. It was scarcely spring: there were still ugly patches of snow on the side of the road, stained black from exhaust fumes. I pulled out an old leather jacket from my closet and tugged it on, hoping it wouldn't be too chilly.

The coffee shop was walking distance from my house. As I neared the place, I could feel my anxiety start to kick in. Why did Taylor want to meet me? What if it was all a big joke? What if Taylor's account had been hacked by someone and those messages weren't really from her?

I knew all these thoughts were irrational: it was my stupid anxiety kicking in. I sighed, running my hand through my hair. Everything would be fine.

I would walk in and Taylor would be sitting there waiting for me and we would sit there and talk about whatever came to mind and we would be so enthusiastic about everything that we would forget to drink our coffee and then we would glance outside the frosty windows to find that somehow all this time had passed and the sky was colored purple and red and orange from the sunset and then Taylor would have to leave because she had to go slay and break some more records.

I shook my head. It was ludicrous, not to mention unfair to Taylor, to expect this much out our date, or whatever it was. She was just normal person, not a magical unicorn fairy princess.

Taylor

I sat at a table alone, something rather common for me, but this time I was actually waiting for someone. I fidgeted with a hair tie one my wrist as I waited for Karlie to walk in. I hoped that I had appeared sincere, like I just wanted to be her friend and not weird or stalker-ish.

I would've ordered for both of us, but I didn't know what she would want, so I was sitting awkwardly, coffee-less with the appearance of someone who had been stood up. I was just about to pull out my phone to check to see if she had sent me any more messages on tumblr when the tinkling bells above the door chimed and she walked in.

I hated those bells.

They alerted everyone that I was there, as if they hadn't already noticed the excessive amounts of security and paparazzi everywhere. I just wanted to go somewhere where my every entrance wasn't a grand entrance.

But negative energy wasn't the best thing to start a first date off with. Well, not date....

I stood up to meet Karlie. The first thing I noticed was her badass outfit. It was such a change from the generic sweatpants and t-shirt she'd been wearing at treatment. She didn't have the slightly uncomfortable appearance of someone who is trying to hard to look edgy, though. Her worn leather jacket hugged her body in a way that I knew it was used as a frequent accompaniment to her outfits. I liked it.

"Hey!" She exclaimed cheerfully.

"Hi, Karlie. So glad you could make it!" I replied with equal enthusiasm. "I haven't ordered anything yet; I didn't know what you like."

She bit her lip as if holding back a smile. Then, as she followed to the counter, we both ordered. I saw her glance nervously at my security as we walked back to our table, and I felt a pang of guilt.

"So," I said, grabbing her hand and leading her towards the table, "How have things been? How's life?" I internally cringed at the awkward vagueness of the question.

Karlie seemed not to notice though, as she began talking.

Karlie

As Taylor and I placed our orders, I was still trying my best to relax and not start screaming uncontrollably. This was any fangirl's dream. I couldn't even control my blush and stuttering when we had the classic argument of who should pay (she won, of course). She had such a nurturing, motherly quality about her, something that had been missing in my life for the last ten or so years.

"So, Karlie," Taylor began as she returned to the table after paying, "Under different circumstances, I would like to take a walk in the park with you, but I'm Taylor Swift and this is New York City, so I don't think that would be and good idea. Um, so we can, like, just stay here and chill for a bit, um, unless you want to go home...." What started as a confident statement ended in a shy whisper.

"That's totally fine," I hastened to inform Taylor. Then, I tried to find an interesting conversation topic. Surprisingly, this was the first lull in our conversation. Our minds appeared to work in tandem, leading our thoughts in a colorful dance. "So, how's the new album coming along?" I asked, leaning forward slightly.

Taylor sighed. "It's coming along, I guess. I've been going in a bit of a new direction though, and my label isn't very understanding of it."

I nodded, trying to understand. "New direction how, exactly?"

Taylor pressed her lips together to suppress a smile. "Um, like maybe changing genres," She said cryptically.

My face broke into a smile. "I can see the headlines now! 'Taylor Swift, Country to Pop Crossover!' That would be awesome!"

"Hey, who said I was going pop?" Taylor said jokingly, "But seriously, you're the most enthusiastic about that than anyone else has been."

Tentatively, I moved my hand across the table and grabbed Taylor's in mine. She didn't resist, so I intertwined both of ours before I spoke. "Well, that's bullshit. It's your music, your life. Plus, they're the ones making millions off of you, not the other way around."

Taylor's blue eyes were slightly misty as they gazed deep into mine. "Thanks, Karlie," She said quietly, "That really means a lot."

I smiled, pride shooting through my chest. "No problem."

"So anyway," Taylor said loudly, steering the conversation away from sensitive subjects, "Since you're out of treatment, what's the plan for the future?" I was astonished that she would even care.

I shrugged, tensing slightly. The future had always been dark and full of mystery for me. "I really have no idea. It just wasn't a thing I thought about before. Um, I guess getting a job is the first thing on the agenda, but I don't think it would be that hard to persuade my old boss to take me back. And besides that, I'll just work on myself, I guess. I mean, even though the hardest part - realizing that I need help - is over, I still need to try and figure out the best ways to take care of myself and treat my BPD."

"BPD?" Taylor echoed, her eyebrows scrunched up slightly in confusion.

"Borderline Personality Disorder," I clarified, "I just found out that I have it during treatment, so I guess I have to kind of figure out what that is and how it affects me and how to handle that. It's weird, because all my life I thought I was just some sort of fuck up, I still am I guess, but at least I have a reason to be."

Taylor leaned forward slightly and made sure to look me in the eye as she whispered, "I don't think you're a fuck up, Karlie."