Darling You've Got Your Demons | Kaylor

seventeen

Trigger warning: sexual scenes (consensual)

Taylor

It had been a pretty uneventful day so far. I had a meeting, but I called and said I was sick, even though I wasn't. So, the rest of my day consisted of that giddy feeling you get when you're playing hooky. Since I couldn't leave the house and blow my cover, I called Karlie and she came over. We'd already had our weekly baking night (or "date night" as we'd started calling them) but I missed her and Meredith was driving me crazy. As I waited for her to come over, I couldn't help but wonder if things were moving too quickly. Sure, we barely made out and we hadn't even talked about sex, but the feeling I got with her was very different that the feelings I had with my previous partners.

Even with her erratic mood swings, our relationship seemed to be the most stable thing in my life at the moment. It's as though all of my other relationships were like fire, and Karlie was the sun. Fire is bright and warm and magical and passionate, but it can be extinguished quickly, and leaves only damage in its wake. The sun warms from afar, but it nurtures and helps things grow. I used to believe that the fire I'd experienced would eventually become the sunshine I craved. But it didn't. This was my first experience of the sun's rays, and I just hoped that they wouldn't burn out.

I could imagine myself growing old with Karlie. There seemed to be a constant energy between us whenever we were together, and even the longest of silences rarely felt awkward.

The doorbell rang abruptly, dragging me out of my thoughts. I jumped up and answered it, letting Karlie in. "Hey, Kar!" I said enthusiastically.

She leaned forward and gave me a kiss, her lips lingering longer than normal, but shorter than I wanted them to. "Hey, Tay," she replied, echoing my tone. "What's up?"

I led her to the couch and we sat down. "Nothing. I just didn't feeling like dealing with all the bullshit that I'd be getting today, so I called in sick to my meeting. And then I watched the next three episodes of 'Orange is the New Black' without you. Oops."

Karlie smiled and rolled her eyes. "Whatever. I've seen them all."

"So," I said, taking her hand and leading her upstairs, "How have you been?"

She shrugged. "Fine."

I knew that was a lie, or at least not the whole truth, but she didn't say anything else.  People who say they are fine are rarely fine.  As we reached my room, I suddenly tackled her onto the bed and began tickling her. "I'm gonna tickle you until you tell me the truth!"

"Tay...I-I'm...gr...great. Seriously!" Karlie screeched as her laughter filled the room. It had become my absolute favorite sound. It was warm and welcoming. Just like her.

"Are you absolutely sure?" I replied. My hands moved underneath her armpits, and I continued to tickle her.

She suddenly yanked herself out from underneath me and proceeded to flip us so that she was above me now. "I'm so sure. I'm the surest of sure-town."

I rolled my eyes, and tried to ignore my cheeks heating up at our close proximity. "That made absolutely no sense. Just saying."

She giggled, brushing a strand of hair behind my ear, "Your face makes no sense!"

I threw my head back laughing, even though what Karlie was being ridiculous. "Wow, thanks for the compliment."

Karlie

I shook my head in disbelief as Taylor snickered at my stupid joke. How did I get so lucky? I didn't deserve her at all. Why couldn't she see all of my flaws? She was so beautiful, so smart, so humble. Why would she choose to be with someone like me?

These familiar questions plagued me constantly, but today they seemed to be more prevalent in my mind. In all honesty, today was not a good day. "Kar...?" Taylor questioned quietly. She was treading on eggshells and she knew it. "You don't have to tell me anything, but I will listen to whatever you say. Just so you know."

I wished that it was that easy. That easy to tell her. But I couldn't. I wasn't brave enough. I was scared to get my heart broken all over again.

So I pushed those thoughts in the back of my head. And I turned to Taylor. And I kissed her. I kissed her hard and right, but for all of the wrong reasons. I felt her shift underneath me and flip us over once again. Her hands traveled down to my waist and she gently lowered us so that I was lying on the bed.

As our chests pressed together, I felt my heartbeat increase. Her lips were so soft and wonderful. Her teeth lightly grazed my bottom lip, and she pulled away, slightly breathless. "Is that okay?" I nodded. Taylor attacked my lips, this time with more ferocity. I hadn't fucked someone in so long. I needed this. I needed to forget.

Taylor sunk her teeth into my bottom lip, pulling it out slightly. A slight moan escaped my mouth as she began kissing down my neck, and pulling down my shirt slightly to expose my collarbone. She began kissing it in a way that ensured there would be marks there tomorrow. Despite this, somehow she still continued to be gentle.

A warm bubbly feeling filled me from head to toe. This felt different. But in a good way. My hands were tangled in her hair and her mouth was below my neck and god it felt so good. The feeling, and everything good, disappeared when she asked, "Can I take this off?" Her hands had traveled downwards, and her fingers were lightly gripping the bottom of my shirt.

And that's when I realized that Taylor wasn't like the others. None of them had asked, or been this considerate. Taylor wasn't going to leave afterwards. And that terrified me. If I let her, she would see all of my scars. The physical ones. And she wouldn't ignore them and forget when she left. She would stay and she would know.

This shouldn't have been about numbing, it should've been about feeling. And I wasn't ready for her to see me like that.

Before I knew it, my breathing was quick and labored. Biting my bottom lip, I began to shake my head. Tears entered pooled in my eyes and threatened to spill over. Taylor's eyes filled with worry. She hurriedly moved off of me and sat cross legged at a slight distance. "That's okay. You don't have to do anything you don't want to." Her voice grew quieter, "Sorry if I pushed you into this. I didn't mean to pressure you or..." She trailed off.

I shook my head as I tried to regulate my breathing. It wasn't her fault. It was mine, obviously. I brought my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around myself. Taylor's hand twitched, as if she wanted to reach out for me, but was unsure what I wanted. As my breathing slowed, I scooted closer to Taylor, and wrapped my arms around her.

She, somewhat hesitantly, copied my movements. I felt safe inside her embrace once again.