Darling You've Got Your Demons | Kaylor

five

Taylor

After meeting Karlie, I felt different. Happy, all of a sudden. The past few years hadn't been the easiest, but I felt like this was the beginning of a new era. I knew I was developing feelings for her. Even though these feeling terrified me at the beginning, I was now accepting them. I welcomed the bubbly excitement that came with falling in love.

It had been a little more than a week since we met over coffee. Last night, I had invited her over to my house for dinner. I wanted to be able to talk to her without the added distraction of paparazzi or security.

I sighed. I'd just gotten home from a long recording session and I didn't have any time to cook. I was debating whether or not pizza was second date appropriate, or if I should order Chinese instead. Admittedly, I didn't really think either were, but I had no time.

I pulled out my phone and dialed a number that was already in my contacts, but one that I'd been taught to memorize since childhood. My mom picked up on the fourth ring.

"Hey, sweetie, how was your recording session?" She asked.

I sighed, "Um, it was okay, Mom, but I have a very important question."

"I'm all ears."

"Do you think pizza is too casual for a second date?" I asked, blushing a little.

"Oooh, is Karlie coming over?" She asked.

I giggled, "Maybe...."

Mom laughed, "Pizza is never too casual, honey."

"For someone who's told me to eat healthy my whole life, you sure are being a hypocrite!" I said, as I put my phone on speaker and sending a text to my favorite member of security to pick up some pizza.

"Hey, you watch it, Taylor Alison!" My mom scolded, still laughing, "Now go get yourself ready for your girl."

I blushed, "She's not 'my girl', Mom. We're just friends. Kind of."

"Haha, oh of course," she said sarcastically.

I sighed, "Goodbye, Mom!"

Karlie

Taylor had texted me earlier and invited me over to her house for dinner. I was nervous. Sure, it's one thing to chat with your idol in a public coffee shop, but another to go to her house! The past week hadn't been the easiest, either:

Without being constantly watched 24/7, it was difficult to hold myself accountable for everything. I had to remember to go grocery shopping, and go to the gym, and shower. I begged my old boss to hire me back. On top of all that, I attended my first therapy session with Dr. Abby Reynolds. Needless to say, it had been a hectic week.

I just wanted to curl up in my bed and watch netflix. Instead, I was staring at my pathetic reflection and trying to figure out how casual to dress. Tears filled my eyes as I ripped off another outfit deemed not worthy by my corrupted mind.

I was in a black bra and boyshorts. I buried my head in my hands and began to cry. I was stressed. And tired. And frustrated. And mad at myself for thinking it would be this easy: go to treatment, get prescribed some meds, get a therapist, get a job, and then I would be living the dream. I thought they would fix me. But now I was realizing I had to fix myself.

I flopped face-up onto my bed and contemplated texting Taylor and telling her I couldn't come. But I didn't.

"Karlie Kloss, you are not a fucking quitter. Now get your pathetic ass out of bed and into some clothes so you can go have an awesome night with Taylor," I whispered through clenched teeth. Going through my closet, I grabbed my favorite pair of camouflage cargo pants and a black sweater. I confronted the mirror again as I applied some make up.

I saw a tall, gangly girl with troubled eyes staring back at me. Sighing, I smeared on some chapstick, grabbed my coat, and walked outside. I hailed a cab and had it drop me off a block from Taylor's house, trying not to call attention to where I was going. I walked through the bitter early March wind and made my way to Taylor's apartment.

A member of her security team was waiting for me outside. As he led me around the towering structure to a hidden back entrance, we made small talk.

"Hey, Karlie. I'm Ray. How's it going?"

"Okay," I shrugged.

"Hmmm..." he said, "Just 'okay'? Why not amazing? You're about to eat pizza with the famous Meredith. Oh, and also Taylor Swift. She's cool, too. If I were you, I would be much more than 'okay'." I giggled slightly as he winked.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. It could be a lot worse; it has been a lot worse."

"That's the spirit, kid," he said, ruffling my hair slightly.

I laughed, "Hey! Don't mess up my hair! I actually straightened it today!" I skipped ahead a little to ward off the "attack."

Our cheerful banter echoed up the walls as we climbed up the stairs, making the towering building seem a lot more friendly. As we neared Taylor's floor, I could feel myself getting excited, instead of nervous.

But it was probably just because of the pizza. And the cat. Not at all because of the fact that I was going to have dinner with Taylor Swift. That was probably irrelevant.