Darling You've Got Your Demons | Kaylor

thirteen

Karlie

I was sitting my office, aka a dark back room in Julian's (my boss) apartment. The environment in the office was always pleasant, and we tried to have as much fun as possible while still getting shit done. Aside from Julian and I, there were four others at the office. Luke, a trans-man, was the main writer. I was closer to him than the other, since we were mutuals on tumblr and talked online occasionally before working together. He had been going through similar issues that I had, and was one of the main people who convinced me to go into treatment. One could say he used to be my only real friend.

Not to say that Julian, Alex, TJ, Jacob, and I weren't friends. They were all amazing, but, before treatment, I was scared anyone I became close to would ultimately leave. So I pushed everyone away. Of course, I still have that fear. But knowing that it is irrational helps.

After getting back, I made it an effort to try and be more open and to let these people into my life. And, I also let someone unexpected into my life: Taylor. I couldn't help but try and tread softly so that I wouldn't get hurt, or hurt her. Because there was a difference between Taylor and the others, those one night stands that would barely last ten minutes: she cared.

She wouldn't show me the door after she decided the pleasure I'd given her for the night would suffice. She wouldn't give me her phone number only to tell me to leave her alone if I asked to meet up again sometime. She wouldn't criticize my body or my decisions or take advantage of my young age. She wouldn't yell at me for not fitting perfectly into a mold for all women dictated by a book that was written thousands of years ago.

And, when all of those things have happened to you, it's pretty easy to tell when someone actually cares.

"...No, but seriously, dude, what should I do?" I asked TJ in desperation. He was married already and his wife was pretty awesome, so he was the best at love advice. I told him about some of the things I said to Taylor over the phone.

He shrugged. "I don't know. I really haven't been in that situation before. I think you should definitely apologize. You said some rough shit, Klossy."

"I know!" I clenched my fists and looked at the floor.

"Hey, calm down. We all get upset sometimes, and we all say things we regret," Alex said. "Taylor does deserve an apology, but that doesn't mean everything is going to go wrong. Maybe this is a good time to really open up to her about some of the things that happened in your past."

"Yeah, but," I started, slightly nervous to say these thoughts aloud, "What if she treats me differently? What if she starts to treat me like I'm made of glass? I don't want to be pitied!"

Julian chuckled, "Then tell her that. It's called communication. You should try it; it's needed to maintain all relationships." I gave him the finger. He feigned anger, "Karlie Kloss, how dare you! Get back to work!" Then, he became serious once more, "So are we in agreement that we should name him Asher?" he said, referring to a character in our developing game. Noises of consent were muttered as we each fell back into our respective jobs.

Taylor

Let's be honest, the next time Karlie called me, I was reluctant to answer. But, when I did, there was no anger or frustration in her tone. "Hi, Tay. I was, um, wondering if you want to come over to my place to hang. If you're not busy or anything. I...I think we should maybe, um, t-talk about...things."

Her nerves were adorable and unnecessary. I almost smiled. "Sure! Text me your address. Do you want me to bring anything?"

"No, that's fine. Okay, um, bye...I guess?"

I smiled, biting my tongue. "Bye, love."

●●●○○○●●●

I knocked tentatively on Karlie's door, glancing around to ensure that no paps had followed me. Thankfully, none had. Karlie opened the door, bringing me out of my thoughts. "Hi..." she trailed off, "Come on in."

I followed her into her apartment. It was small, but practical. "Nice place."

Karlie shrugged. "It's okay. Small, though." She paused for a second. "Want a beer?"

"Sure." I followed her into the tiny kitchen and she grabbed two beers out of the fridge. We walked back to the living room and sat down on the couch. She took her phone out of her back pocket.

"Music?"

I smiled. "Always." She hesitantly scrolled through her songs, trying to find something. I scooted closer so that our thighs were touching and peered over her shoulder. "OH! The 1975! I love them!"

Karlie's nerves seemed to dissipate. "Oh my god, me too! Well, duh, I own their music. But still." I giggled. That was all we needed to lighten the mood.

Now, with our beers and a good song playing in the background, the atmosphere felt more comfortable. I cuddled into Karlie's side. She wrapped an arm around me, and I felt safe. Karlie wouldn't hurt me, I knew that. But I had fallen in love with someone who really had, and now I had to deal with the consequences.

I felt Karlie take a deep breath, so I turned my to face her. Her eyes met mine, and I could see the fear in them. My hand found hers, and I intertwined her fingers with mine. She took another deep breath, "I think that I have to talk to you about what happened on the phone."