Darling You've Got Your Demons | Kaylor

twenty two

Taylor

I flopped onto the perfectly made bed and let out a large sigh. My face was wiped free of make up, my hair was wet from a shower, and I was exhausted. It was long past midnight, and I'd spent the evening goofing around with Austin and Fernando. My parents had retired to their bedroom hours before, but the rest of us continued our conversations and laughs late into the night. Austin found some beers in the fridge, and we drank and half watched the reality shows playing in the background.

I let out a loud yawn, rubbing my eyes and snuggling further into the blankets. Karlie had just left to go shower and I was waiting for her. A smile formed across my face and a shiver ran down my spine as I thought about what happened earlier in the kitchen.

Our kisses had started to last longer, and our touches became more daring over the last weeks, but I was still determined to take things slow and not force Karlie into anything she wasn't ready for. I'd been trying to keep the thought of sex from my mind. It would happen eventually. Besides, even if it didn't, that wasn't something I needed out of any relationship.

It was so difficult to resist the urge to grab Karlie and kiss her as hard as I could and show her just how beautiful and emotional and enjoyable sex could be. Her height made all of her shirts a bit too small, and the sliver of skin that peeked from underneath when she stretched to grab the rainbow sprinkles from my highest cabinets made my mind go wild.

Now, alone in my bed, I bit my lip, trying to force my thoughts to something a little more rated PG. Honestly, I was just horny. I hadn't had sex in almost a year and a half. Chill the fuck out, Taylor, I thought. Karlie is literally in the next room. Get your shit together.

Karlie

My teeth chattered as I shivered on the fluffy bath rug. I'd finished my shower a few minutes ago, only to realize that I'd forgotten my towel in the other room. It was a simple problem put into perspective, but my anxiety enjoyed blowing every little thing way out of proportion.

I could ask Taylor to grab it for me. But she was in bed and I didn't want to disturb her and besides it was embarrassing to ask her something like that to my girlfriend who hadn't even seen me naked and even if I were to ask how would I phrase the question without sounding needy or stupid or suggestive? Staying in the bathroom was clearly the safe option, even if I was soaking wet and freezing cold. Hopefully Taylor would eventually notice my absence and bring me my towel without me even asking.

But another five minutes passed and nothing happened. I was beginning to get panicky. This was so stupid. Of course I would get myself into this kind of situation. I would make a fool of myself one way or the other. I'd been pacing the length of the bath mat, carefully trying to minimize the amount of water I dripped onto the floor.

This was ridiculous. Frustration began to form and I scoffed at my inability to ask such a simple question. My muscles tensed. My hands found their way into my hair, wrapping themselves through and around the locks. My nails scratched at my scalp and I pulled at the locks of hair wound tightly around my fingers.

I exhaled loudly. Get over yourself and just ask her for the fucking towel. I turned the doorknob of the bathroom as slowly as I possibly could. The floor creaked loudly as I shifted my weight to my other foot. I mentally cursed, digging the nails of left hand into my upper right arm.

My heart pounded as I blurted out, "Hey Taylor can you, um, pass me my towel please? I left it out here by accident, sorry."

Taylor's eyes softened in realization, and she got out of the bed and grabbed the fluffy purple towel from the nightstand. She crossed the room and handed it to me, careful to advert her eyes as so not to see anything through the crack of open door. Thank god. At least she let me keep that much of my dignity. "Thank you," I said, shutting the bathroom door quickly.

I dried off quickly and slipped into my pajamas. Taking a deep breath, I opened the door again, to find Taylor scrolling through her phone. She smiled when I entered. She was wearing her glasses, she had no makeup on, and her hair was drying into its natural waves. "You look beautiful," I whispered, sitting on the side of the bed.

"Thank you," she said softly, a blush coming to her cheeks. I rummaged in my bag, finally finding my meds. I took the pills and crawled into bed.

The room was still illuminated by the main light, but I assumed that Taylor was going to turn it off when she was ready. I began getting underneath the covers, still hyper-aware of the fact that Taylor was right there. She looked like she was typing out an email. Her brow was furrowed. Abruptly, she turned off her phone, placing it onto the nightstand.

"Hey."

"Hey."

She smiled, turning to me. Suddenly, her smile faltered a bit. Her eyes gazed towards my right shoulder. "Did you do that just now?" she asked in a whisper. Her fingers reached out and grazed the scratch marks.

I flinched away out of habit, "Sorry."

"There's nothing to be sorry for. It just makes me sad that you feel like you have to hurt yourself." Taylor paused. "I'm here to listen. If you want."

I shook my head. "It's was stupid. About the towel." I blushed as I admitted it. It seemed so silly now, looking back at the incident.

"It certainly wasn't stupid if you hurt yourself over it," Taylor pointed out gently. We laid in silence for a few minutes. The quiet and calm began to wash over me. I was tired. "Karlie?"

"Mmmmm?"

"Just...promise me that if you feel like that again, even if you think it's stupid, that you tell me. Or anyone, really. It doesn't have to be me. I don't want to pretend to completely understand self harm, or BPD, but I do know that everything is easier to deal with when you're not alone." I gazed into her bright blue eyes. They were misty.

"I don't ever want you to feel like you're alone in this, Karlie," she declared. That night, I fell asleep in the sanctuary of Taylor's arms.