Recompense [Fólkvangr End, Book 1] [Loki Fanfiction]

Chapter Forty-One

Author's Note: So, I wanted to get this transitional chapter out now even though it's brief. It is a little transitional, but it is important dialogue between Loki and Val. I'm having a little bit of block so now guarantees when the next chapter will be out. I just really want to relay my thanks to all of you--you guys are insane and brilliant all at once. I can't believe you've stuck it out this far, for as long as I've been writing this. I am honored to have such wonderful people are readers and friends. As always, I am indebted to you. Please make sure to comment and vote and smile and be happy. I don't know why. Maybe you need a hug. He's a hug from me to you. <3

Also, if you're not familiar with the mythology in this chapter, I highly suggest looking it up. It is quite interesting. Of course, if you have questions, don't hesitate to ask, I'll be glad to answer them!

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My bedroom door creaks open and I sigh, rolling over. “Loki, go away.”

“I wish to apologize,” Loki says, his voice tight and quiet. I don’t say anything in response and I can hear his bare feet padding their way over to me. I pull myself into a halfway seated position, propped up against the miles of pillows on the bed.

“Well?”

Loki stands at the side of my bed and looks down at me like a wounded puppy, so I pat the space beside me on the bed. “You are allowed to sit.”

Loki sits, leaving me plenty of room and he fiddles with his hands in his lap before meeting my eyes again. “I would like to apologize for my recent actions and for not being entirely truthful with you.”

“Go on,” I prompt, not exactly satisfied. He reaches toward me and his cool fingertips brush mine just slightly. I get the twisted feeling in my stomach I got that first time we accidentally touched. Despite myself I allow his fingers to dance lightly over mine.

“I understand now that I have greatly abused your trust in me. I should have explained how I needed your guidance and charm to get Stark to assist us.”

“What exactly do you need him for?”

“Odin and Thor desire to have the Avengers as allies should we need their skills. Of course, Stark won’t be of much use again until he constructs another of his iron suits. It is best they are also made aware of the impending attack on Asgard in the off chance it comes to Midgard,” Loki explains.

“Well then,” I sniff with a frown. “I wish you had just told me…maybe then I could have batted my eyelashes and made myself more useful.”

Loki laughs dryly, “I also wish to speak on the matter of Sigyn.”

This peaks my interest a little further and I sit up all the way, cross-legged beneath my blankets. “Yeah, about that. I’ve thought about it and I mean, if you’re married, I don’t want to—”

“I am not married, I assure you,” Loki says, relatively calmly.

“But in mythology Sigyn is your wife, isn’t she?”

“She is,” Loki nods, “but she is not now. Or ever truly. However, Vàlia and Narfi are my children.”

“Oh.”

“Sigyn was the first woman I ever loved and I loved her a long while, but she was never willing to marry me. She was not willing to be responsible for me…”

“Understandably,” I interject. Loki smiles tightly, squeezing my hand.

“Perhaps. We had our children, many centuries ago. You must understand that time progresses so very differently here on Asgard. Sigyn and I have not been together for a few centuries now,” Loki explains further and I am trying to absorb, but mostly I must look dumbfounded. I’m having a bit of trouble wrapping my mind around it. “I also have many other children—those myths are true. Hel, Fenrir, Jormungand…offspring work a little differently than I can quite explain to you. My children are not necessarily the products of…sexual encounters, but rather they are borne of fate and magic.”

I shudder at the mention of sexual encounters that would result in wolves, and giant serpents. “What about Sleipnir?”

Loki sighs and half smiles, “Perhaps a story for another time.”

I point an accusatory finger at him, “Aha! You gave birth to a horse!” I nearly jump out of my seat, laughing. I forget a little how terribly I was feeling, how angry I was. Because Loki gave birth to a bloody horse.

“What do you think of me now?” Loki asks quietly and I hesitate, looking over his tired face. I shift so that I am sitting on my knees before him and I reach both hands up to his face, resting just below his jaw and above his shoulders.

“I think you’re Loki. God of Mischief and Lies and sometimes you’re a real dick, and sometimes you’re my Prince Charming. I think I care about you more than I can express properly and probably more than good common sense would dictate. I think I want to protect you and keep you out of trouble. But mostly, I think love you very much, Loki,” I say with a smug smile. He lifts his green eyes to meet mine but I have already closed the distance between us, kissing his lips lightly. “You are so lucky that I am willing to forgive you so easily.”

Loki smiles, kissing me again, “I am very fortunate.”

I pull him even closer and tease his lips with mine, caressing them and then kissing his cheek, to his jaw, down across his ear and to his neck. I nibble his flesh lightly and then bite down a little more aggressively. Loki lets out a quiet sigh and presses his hand to the back of my head and then guides my face up to meet his. He lays me back on the bed, holding himself above me with his hands at either side of my shoulders. He kisses my neck and I reach up placing my hands on his waist, gripping the hem of his partially lifted shirt.

“I heard what you said to Stark,” Loki says in between kisses, pressing his forehead to mine, staring into my eyes. “I wish you had told me how you were hurting because of Thanos because I understand. I wish I could say there is a way to ease it, but even still it encroaches upon my mind and takes me to a dark place. I did terrible things under his control…things I will not forgive myself for.”

I squeeze my eyes shut and I feel the painfully familiar light ache in my shoulder. It always comes when I allow myself to think about what has happened. I pull my hands away from Loki to pull my shirt aside and Loki sits beside me, running his fingers over my exposed shoulder. The scars from Thanos have gone with my mortality, but the arrow from Forseti left a lasting mark. I have yet to figure it out entirely, but it is certainly a reminder.

“I like your scar, my dear. Imperfection suits you,” he smirks before he kisses my shoulder gently.

“I think you’re supposed to lie to me and tell me I’m perfect, Loki,” I tease. “But it will do, I suppose.”

“Is there anything else we should discourse upon now that we are being so candid?”

I smile, “Nah, I think we’re good for now.” I pull myself up with all my will power and plant a soft kiss on his lips, letting the moment linger just slightly. “Now go to bed!” I throw my covers over me and sidle down into their warmth, sighing contentedly.

"I shall hold you until you fall asleep," Loki murmurs into my skin, laying down beside me. I don't have the heart or the strength to tell him he may have to wait a while. He kisses my shoulder blade gently and I can feel the warmth of his lips. I shake him off with a wry grin and he pulls away. Suddenly the space between us feels piercingly cold and I wrap my arms around myself.

"Loki, please, be a good boy. You don't have to worry about me. Go get some rest in your own bed," I croak, throat particularly dry as I turn my back toward him. “I mean it.” Loki doesn't say anything but I sense the absence of his presence and when I look over my shoulder, he is gone. I squeeze my eyes shut but the darkness brings me no comfort. Images of blood and weapons...Forseti's dead eyes staring back at me. I shiver at the thought burned into my retinas and instead I stare up at the ceiling. My shoulder aches and my stomach twists with pain and hunger and I ignore that too, just trying to think of nothing.

I'm not certain how long I lay like this but suddenly I am sleeping. Sleeping, but certainly not dreaming. I never dream anymore.