HER Tearful Heart - Zauren

22 - loves me...

Zayn left. I told him to leave and he did. I don't know if I'm actually relived with that. I wanted him here, so I could explain him better that this all was just a misunderstanding.
Instead he just judged me. He humiliated me, he treated me like I did the wrong thing. And I probably did, he told told me not to talk to them, that our relationship would stay just the same, cause "as long as we love each other, everything will be fine." I guess he was wrong. I guess I was wrong.
I really messed up. He yelled at me. He never yelled at me. He never yelled at anybody. But then again, it wasn't my fault.
That prick did this. Richard or whatever the hell his name is, ruined us. That was his plan all along and he did it because I was dumb. I'm so dumb.

"Zayn's never going to forgive me." I say out of the blue as I sit on Dinah's bed and stare at the door through where Zayn had just left.

"What? Are you crazy? Did you hear the way he was talking to you? How loud he was talking-no, yelling at you? You should be the one to never forgive him! The nerve of some boys!"

She's right. That's true. I'm being blinded all over again. He didn't even wait to hear my side. He went ballistic on me and didn't believe me.
He didn't believe me.

Suddenly the door I was intensively looking at opens.
I must confess I thought it would be Zayn but no.
The girls and the boys burst through it and look at me.

"What the hell was that yelling about?" Normani asks putting her hands on her waist as she approaches us.

"No! What the hell did you do Lauren? Because Zayn is crying! And he never cries!" Harry yells coming in front of me.

My lowered head hides my face as my hair goes in front of it. They can't see that I'm crying. They can't hear it either because my tears are silent.  I'm not strong enough to cry out loud. My heart is broken. I'm broken. This is all a mess.

I suddenly realise the reason for my silent tears as what just happened finally sinks into me.
Oh my God.

I start sobbing and crying really hard. I can't believe that just happened.

"Lauren?" Liam asks crouching down in front of me. He puts a hand on my back soothing it but I can't... I can't handle this right now.

"No! No! No" I yell as I get up and run out of the room as my tears fall intensively almost blinding my vision.
I get into my hotel room and close the door holding my body against it.

I pant really hard shaking my head.

"No..." I can't deal with all this pain now. Zayn caused this. Zayn is doing this to me.
I suddenly realise that he's dangerous. We're dangerous. Our relationship. Our love is so strong for each other that when we're not together we fall apart. Shatter into pieces.

I slide down the door as the pain in my heart increases.

Somebody knocks on the door but I'm too much in my own terrifying world to notice who is it.

"Lauren? Lauren?" They call. But I can't answer. I'm not even sure if there's actually somebody calling for me. Or if it's just my imagination.

I cover my hears and shake my head harder as I fall on the floor curling into a ball, hugging my knees.
I gotta get out of here.

"Lauren?" Somebody else calls. But this someone I recognize. It's Zayn.
The sound of my name on his voice never sounded so pained and desperate.
It normally rolls out of his tongue so beautifully. It makes me smile every time he says it, but not now. I'm in too much pain to even realise what's beautiful and what's not.

I hurt him too. It wasn't my intention but I did. The guy was all over me, I could've prevented it but I couldn't. I froze when he came near me. I'm such a weak. Dumb. Stupid person. I hate myself so much right now. Because I hurt him. I hurt him.

But he hurt me too. He hurt me real bad.

I hate this day. I want to go back to yesterday. Yes. Yesterday. When Zayn and I layed on his bed staring into each other eyes. Saying I love you every ten seconds. Laughing with each other every ten minutes. I want to feel his arms holding my body like yesterday. I felt protected. I felt loved. I felt like he loved me. He told me he loves me. And I know he loves me.

~~~~~~~~~flashback~~~~~~~~~

Zayn and I lay on his bunk. We were supposed to watch a movie, but the movie finished and I still have no idead what happened and what didn't happened. To be honest I don't even know the title of the movie.

It was all just an excuse to spend more time with him. We spend all  days off together,  but that seriously isn't enough.

"Did you like the movie?" He asks taking the dvd off  the movie player.

I stiffle a laugh and look at him.

"Yeah! It was amazing! I loved it! Which was your favourite part?" I ask, trying to sound interested.

"Oh... you know... that one where the... the guy does that stuff ." He coffs. Sounds to me like he didn't watch the movie. "How about yours?" He asks.

"Oh... that too!" I nod my head trying to sound convincing but he just bursts out laughing. I start laughing too. Neither of us saw the movie, clearly.

"What got you so distracted miss Jauregui?" He asks  turning us around so that he was on top of  me.

"I don't know." I smile, watching his eyes glisten as he looks down at me. "What got, you, so distracted, mister Malik?" I ask turing us around back again. I was now laying on top of him.

"I don't know." He grins repliying using the same words as I did. 

He pecks me but that's not enough as I attach my lips to his again. My hands resting on his exposed chest as they travel up and down. The kiss only deepens as I start moving my hips against him. He goes under my shirt and gently  roams his hands up and down my back. His  touch bringing goosebumps to my body. I lift my hands up and softly cup his face. My thumbs run tenderly against his cheekbones as I continue to capture his lips on my own. I deepen the kiss a bit more, humming softly through the action before, reluctantly, breaking for breath. 

"I love you Zayn."  I say after our little make out session.

"I love you Lauren." He says as I lay on top of him, my fingers drawing patterns on his chest and his arms holding my waist. He kisses me on top of my head and says: "I love you. I'll always do."

~~~~~~~end of flashback~~~~~~~~~

But he brought up the Luis matter. Why would he do that? I trusted him. I trusted him so much and he just had to use that against me. I never thought he would do that to me.

"Lauren please open the door." I'm brought back to my senses when he speaks again.

I take all the courage left in myself and open the door.

He widens his eyes probably not expecting me to open the door. Or probably because I look like a zombie right now.
No. He wouldn't do that. Not even if I had the most horrific look ever. He would always think that I'm beautiful.

"Thank God. I thought you were hurting yourself! I got worried. Look I'm sorry Lauren, seriously I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you. I didn't mean to say all that. I just wasn't thinking at all. The words left my mouth and I didn't even noticed them until I looked into your eyes Lauren. You know I love you. You know I didn't mean it. I also know you wouldn't do that shit to me. You're not like the other girls. Your special. You're really important for me Lauren. Please forg-"

"No" I shook my head. "Don't say it. You broke my trust Zayn. I-I can't deal with this right now." I close the door and hold my head agaisnt it.

I hear a faint 'I love you' on the other side.

"I love you too." I whisper as my tears fall down again.  "I love you much."

A.N.: HEY GUYS, ALOOOOO! HOW ARE YOU? WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS CHAPTER? I LIKE SEEING YOUR COMMENTS, SO LEAVE YOUR OPINION DOWN THERE. VOTE TOO AND SHARE! WAIT UP, DON'T GO YET! ARE YOU EXCITED FOR #5H2? LOVE YOUUUUU MUFFINS.