23 - Should I...

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It's been three days since Zayn and I's argument. Every time we see each other, we stare to one another as if questioning 'how in the world did this happen?'.
I'm still mad at him. I'm really mad, first of all, cause he didn't believe me, and second, because he brought up the Luis matter in the most horrible way ever.

Still, I can't help but feel like I over reacted a little bit, but his words stung so deep in my heart.

Oh. And the hate I got. So many girls saying how much of a whore I was, and that I didn't deserve Zayn, and to kill myself.
That is the most inhuman thing ever, like asking somebody else to kill themselves to finish their lives just because they don't like them. That's just so fucked up.

Today it's another show day. Me and the girls are currently on our tour bus. Everybody's on their phone. Ally's talking to Troy, Normani with her family, Camila with Harry and Dinah's making snaps.

I'm on tumblr, currently avoiding Twitter, cause I just can't take all that shit in there.

My phone vibrates. A new notification on twitter, from... Zayn.
Yes. I do have his notifications on. He's my boyfriend. I like to see what he tweets. When he tweets.

'Miss you more and more every time I look at your eyes.' It reads.

I immediately blush. I think that was intended to me. And it makes me melt over his words. He's got me so wiped.

Without even noticing I dial Zayn's number.

Z: Lauren?
He says. He's voice anxious. I stuck in a breath but nothing cones out.

Z: I miss your voice. Can you... Can you say something?

I crack a small smile. He sounds nervous. Just like when he has to get on stage everyday and me or the boys are there to tell him he's gonna nail it, or like I tell him: "fuck it up babe."

L: hey...

Z: hi!

I can tell by his voice that he's smiling and that makes me smile even more.

Z: I love you. You know that, right?

My heart flutters hearing those three words that I so desperately wanted to hear for these past 3 days.

L: I do. I love you Zayn.

I hear him smile and for moments we just hear each other breath through the phone. It calms me down hearing his voice and his breathing. It makes me feel closer to him when I'm not.

Z: I-you don't know how sorry I am for saying that. I seriously didn't mean it.

L: I know.

Z: no Lauren, you don't. I know you're saying that just to make me feel better, but I don't deserve it when I hurt you in the first place.

I shook my head even though he couldn't see me.

L: don't say that.

Z: but I have to Lauren. I'm so mad at myself for even yelling at you. And then I used Luis against you and that is so not right. I regret it so much, I regretted it the moment I said it. I feel so stupid Lauren.

That pains me so much. I love him and to hear him say hose words because somehow he hurt him, makes me feel weak and powerless because I can't do anything to make him feel better.

L: it's ok.

Z: No. It's not. I broke your trust. I didn't mean to but I did.

I stayed silent. What he was saying was true. I never trusted a guy after Luis. Zayn was the first one I told my secrets to and I expected him to keep them and to never use them against me. He was helping me with it all and now I'm kind of scared to tell him more stuff cause I don't know if he'll use them against me every time he gets mad at me.

Z: I'm going to do everything to get it back. Ok?

Just that makes me smile. It reassures me. I know he will do it. The tone on his voice assures me that he loves me and wants me to trust him no matter what and eventually he'll get it back.

L: Ok.

We stay silent for a bit until he speaks again.

Z: Are you doing something now?

I shift on my sit intrigued with the question.

L: No. I'm just on my bunk. The girls are up front talking and Mila is with Harry.

Those two are so in love. It's beautiful to watch them with each other.

Z: oh. Do you... I mean only if you want to.... but maybe we could... I don't know.

Even though he didn't make any sense of what he just said. I got it. He probably wants me to go out with him. But I don't know, should I? What do I have to lose?

L: yeah...

Z: yeah?

L: yeah!

I giggle.
This is kinda something of ours. It happens all the time he or I am nervous.

Z: yeah... ok, I'll be in your bus in ten minutes, it that ok?

L: yeah. Totally ok!

I bite my lip. Adding that totally was so lame. Ugh. What are you doing Lauren.

Z: alright. I'll see you. I-I love you so much.

L: I love you so much too Zayn.

I get off my bunk and get on proper clothes since I was still with my pajama on.
I put on a white shirt type crop top with my grey jeans that have cuts on the knees, and to complete the look I get my black boots on.

I look fine.

I start walking to the lounge are and sit on the couch with a smile on my face while waiting for Zayn.

"You look cute! Where you going Lolo?" Dinah asks eyeing me suspiciously. I hug her by the waist.

"I'm meeting Zayn." I smile with my teeth on full display.

"What? Have you guys made up?" Mani asks smiling.

"Kinda. We're just going to meet."
"Seriously? I was there in that room. Are you sure you're up to forgive him right away? I mean that's good. I love Zauren, but I just thoughts you were still mad. I'm happy for you guys!" She says smiling widely.

That got me thinking. Should I really go now?
Am I forgiving him too easily? Maybe I am. Maybe I love him so much that for everything he does I'll just forgive him. Like I did with Luis.
But with Luis it was different... wasn't it!?

I get my phone and text him.

*Listen, I'm not feeling really good. I don't think I can go out now. I'm sorry.*

Sent √

A.N.: HEYAAA! HOW ARE YA! FIRST OF ALL I JUST WANT TO SAY I'M AN OT5 STAN. I LOVE CAMILA. I LOVE LAUREN. I LOVE MANI. I LOVE DINAH. AND I LOVE ALLY.
SECOND. IS IT TOO LATE NOW TO SAY SORRY? CAUSE I WAS MISSING MORE THEN JUST YOUR VOTES AND COMMENTARYYYYYS!
HIII I LOVE YOU SORRY FOR TAKING SO LONG BUT HERE IT IS. NOW WHAT SHOULD LAUREN DO ON THE NEXT CHAPTER? MESSAGE ME IF YOU NEED SOMETHING! LOVE YOUUUUUU

HER Tearful Heart  - ZaurenWhere stories live. Discover now