HER Tearful Heart - Zauren

39 - Don't...

ZAYNS'S POV

I'm still shocked with what happened earlier today. Lauren basically wanted to have sex with me because of everything that happened to her in the past. She's scarred, not only in her skin, but also on her soul. Practically everything she does somehow, reminds her of him. I haven't gone a day with her, where I don't see her either crying, or drifting off while thinking about things that I with she would just forget.
I can see that it hurts her a lot, I feel like she feels as though it still happens, because it is something very present, I mean, it happened up until she came on tour, two months ago. I can see that she gets better and happier day by day, but it's raw, all that happened is still vivid on her mind and I wish I could change that.

I know for sure, that tomorrow, things will be more accentuated, since we're going to Miami. It should be something happy for her, because she's going back to her home town, but Luis will be there, so she's feeling very anxious instead.

That fucker. I do I hope I find him, just so I can inflict on him every bit of pain Lauren felt. I will beat him up. I'll punch him, I'll kick him in the guts, I'll make him feel exactly like the piece of trash he is. He's going to wish he was never born. He's going to regret ever coming into contact with my girlfriend.

Lauren is nestled in my arms, her head laying on my chest and her hair lingering on my neck. Her fingers hold my arm in a tight grip, her breathing working irregularly every now and then and her heart beating in an unsteady pace against my chest, enabling me to have access to her thoughts and know exactly what's going through her mind.

"You ok?" I ask quietly, while moving my hand up and down her back, trying to sooth her with my touch.

"Yeah." She whispers back, repositioning her head in my chest.

"I know you are hurting, I know you're scared about tomorrow." I kiss the top of her head to try and console her and get her to speak. But instead, she just shrugs, letting me know her answer to that.

"Do you want to talk?" I ask. I don't really want her bottling things up although I know it's not easy to be in her shoes and go through what she went and is now experiencing.

"No." She breaths out and I can feel her closing her eyes. "I know it's not fair to you, but I just want you to hold me. I feel safe when you have your arms around me. That's all I want to feel right now... Safe. With you."

I squeeze her and she snuggles her head further against my neck. I know it's hard for her, so I'll just let it slide, maybe tomorrow she'll open up to me. I hope she does. And I hope she realizes that I'm here for her, no matter what.

The next day - in Miami

LAUREN'S POV

We all gather around for breakfast in the hotel's restaurant area. Me, the girls and the boys in a giant table we had to move around and arrange so we could all fit in. Ask me why? I don't know, we never really eat together, unless we're going out, but I guess today was the day.

I'm sitting next to Zayn and I can feel his eyes on my every more, looking at me as if I was a porcelain doll, just ready to shatter into small pieces. I get why he's doing that, I mean, seeing me in that state yesterday must've made him feel like I'm not exactly ok, which is true, but I wish he wouldn't worry this much. I hate seeing him like this, I know he cares for me, that he loves me, and if I've learned something about him is that he feels everybody else's pain, just as much or even more than they do.
That's why I hate crying or thinking about Luis when I'm with him. He can see it in my face if I'm not ok and he immediately turns sad and looks as though something awful happened to him. It just means he loves me. But it also means I must control my emotions better.