HER Tearful Heart - Zauren

27 - It's all good...

Everything seems to be falling a part.
Camila isn't speaking to me, only when in public and because she's kinda forced to.
The girls have been on my tail every single minute, claiming to be worried about me.
Zayn is just the same, when he's not with me, he's always calling me telling me how he loves me me how everything that happened to me with the Luis matter, wasn't my fault.

To be honest, I feel kinda of drained and so tired of this Luis situation. When I finally thought I was getting rid of it, because he hasn't called or texted me, in like a month now, it all just came back in.

What hurts the most is to know it came from someone you trusted your life with, but now doesn't seem to give to shits about me.
What is trust anymore? My boyfriend and one of my best friends just took it away from me in a really short spam of time, and it's all just making me feel like none of this is worth it. Foremost, like I'm not important.

"Lolo, come eat, we gotta go to the venue soon!" Dinah yells from the living room.

I lazily get myself up from my bunk and walk towards my group of friends.

"I don't really feel like eating now. I'm not hungry." I say rubbing on my temples.

"Lauren! You're still in your pajamas? Come on! M&g is starting soon! And then come and eat I don't care if your not hungry, I'm sure your tummy is!" Ally says.

"No Ally, I really am not hungry."
"Just a tiny bit Lauren... I'll make you a sandwich if you don't want this."

Noticing her effort to actually make me eat, I sigh saying:
"No... It's fine... I'll eat it."
I walk back to my bunk and then towards my suitcase, getting some clothes ready, so I can dress after my bath.

Camila didn't make the effort to come talk to me after that day. It was a week ago and she still ignores me every time she passes by me.
I've tried talking to her and getting her attention, but nothing seems to make her be on speaking terms with me. Even the girls have tried to make her apologize to me, but nothing.
If I'm being honest, she's right for not wanting to apologize to me. She did nothing wrong. She only opened my eyes, so I could actually see with both my eyes, what was right in front of me, and I didn't see because I was too blind. Luis was at fault, but so was I.
All this shit that happened to me, the pain, the suffering, all because I didn't want to let go of him. I was so blinded by 'love'. That supposed love where everything is a fairytale on the outside. But inside... Everything is hurting and shredding a part.
It hurts so much to know all the pain that I had was in vane. All the slaps, the punches, the kicking, the humiliating, the... The rape. It was all because I was just a stupid little girl, trying to follow her dreams of having the perfect boyfriend, when I had all the signs, since the beginning, to just step away from this abuse, I was able to put my feet down and fight for my independence, my rights as a human being. As a woman in this world, that is not here to be subordinated by man, but to be strong for her own self.

But I was weak.... I am weak.

"Lauren?" A voices startles me. "Is everything ok in there?" I hear.

"Yeah!" I say wiping my tars away. "Everything is fine, I'll-I'll be out in a minute." I finish trying no to sob.

I got out of the bathroom, with my clothes on. The first thing I say is a nervous Zayn, biting his nails while looking at the floor.

"Hey." I slightly smile, running my hand through is hair, to get his attention. "What are you doing here?" I mumble sitting next to him.

"Just waiting for you. The girls are already on the venue." He says.

"Ok. We can go now. I'm all ready." I say hoping I would be able to skip lunch. I really don't want to eat.

"No. The girls told me you haven't ate yet... Ally set up your plate already, I'll warm it up." He says getting off the couch and putting the plate on the microwave.