Supernatural x Reader Oneshots

Wherefore Art Thou Potato (Crowley x Reader)

"Potato. The great and powerful. The most majestic of all the the foods. Watch as it sleeps in its natural habitat." Staring at it, the amazingness of it just poured out of the cupboard where it sleeps. Your eyes focused on this creature of glory and your cheeks puffed waiting for its next move. Concentration never breaking, you never even noticed Crowley strolling in.

"Find something interesting, Love?" His arms wrapped around you as his deep voice hit your ears caused you to jump, "Minus the heart attack," he chuckled, resting his head on your shoulder.

"Yes... I found the Mighty Potato..." You said with the most serious look in your eyes, that made Crowley raised a eyebrow.

"The mighty... Potato?" Crowley obviously didn't understand the beauty of the potato, which made you laugh deeply.

"Yas, You of all people should know of the Might, Leprechaun!" Turning to face him in full sass stance, yet he still had the nerve to just roll his eyes.

"And what per say is interesting about... A potato?" Crowley leaned against the counter, waiting intently for your response.

"Potatoes are the most amazing thing to ever to be on this planet," you carefully picked up the potato and raise it to the heavens so Crowley could marvel at all its natural beauty, "and I have no idea how anyone could just roll their eyes at this work of art!" Oh, but Crowley did. He rolled his eyes twice.

"Dear, can we talk ab-" Crowley tried to calmly talk to you, but was stop by the majestic potato being shoved in his face, so that he might absorb it amazingness.

"Oh no you didn't girlfriend!" Your hips sway with your overload of sass that the potato gifted upon you, "You can't just roll your eyes, how dare you!" Pushing the potato further into his face, yet sadly he just didn't see it. Such a strange child.

"I don't see what's so fascinating about a vegetable..." he signed moving the potato away, making a pout grow across your face.

"It-it-it's magnificent!" You sniffles out, your lip quivering as tears started to form. Guilt trip happening in.

.Three.
.Two.

"Not this time, darling..." Crowley chuckled deeply, crossing his arms and with that you rag dolled. Letting out a sigh as you fell face down to the floor, cradling the potato so it wouldn't get hurt. "Please... Don't do this again..." He sighed heavily as he poked you in the side, giving him a muffled grunt of disappointment, you slowly lifted your head to look at him.

"Accept the Potato..." You said with no emotions, staring dead straight into his eyes. You waited for him to say something, yet he didn't, so you went back to the task at hand, to laying face down on the cold kitchen floor.

After a few minutes, you felt two arms wrap around you and lifted you from the ground. Crowley carried you to the bed, sitting you down and taking the potato from your hands, placing it on the table beside you.

"Sweetie, sleep and sober up for me..." He planted a soft kiss on your forehead, "I'll be back later," he smiled softly before turning around.

"I'm not drunk... I just really like potatoes..." You said whining like a child, that made Crowley laugh. Then a thought ran through your mind.

~

Can I make Crowley mad with jealousy. With a potato?

This was a question that needed to be answered.

~

"I am going to fuck the potato," You said in a calm tone as you picked up the potato. Crowley spun around, eyes wide open as he stared at you.

"What (Y/N)? I don't think I heard you right, darling..." He laughed nervously, walking back to your side.

"I. AM. GOING. TO. FUCK. THE. POTATO." You repeated word by word as loud as you could.

"No" was all he could muster.

"Babe, potatoes are so hot with those bumps and and curves, Who wouldn't want to tap that." You said casually as you gently caress it, " Not to mention a potato doesn't back sass me..." Crowley brow frowned as he clicked his fingers and the once beautiful potato turned into a delicious hash brown. He began snickering as he saw your eyes open at the death of Mr. Potato. "I shall mourn your loss, my friend. My potato..." mumbling sadly as you began picking away at the hash brown. Taking a seat next to you, Crowley wrapped an arm around your neck and pulled you close.

"You aren't allowed to fuck anyone..." He growled in your ear, sending chills down your spine, " anyone but me,"he pushed you down and nibbled at your ear.

"Not even potatoes?" You smirked, making him crash his lips into you, roughly kissing you.

Crowley proved that not even a potato is better then him. So in the end you didn't really mind the death of the potato.

This time~

--------

Panda: A healthy reminder for your friendly panda~

Please do not fuck potatoes.

They must be respected.

Friends not food~

Salt: So Panda had made a joke about this on my request post...and I did it. I fuckin did it and I love it. Why are you potato? I dunno but I love it! Man this was fun to write!

Beta Read by Blackflamehound