A Night with the Devil

Chapter 1

127, 126, 125, 124, 123, 122, 121, 120, 119, 118, 115.

Hmm?

Crap! Even this technique is failing me already!

Ive been mentally counting backwards to focus my attention on something else as I have been soothing my nerves for the past hour. I've been trying to maintain a zen mind in order to avoid an outburst. Listening to bull for more than 60 minutes and be mum about it would definitely take a toll on your sanity, to be honest.

Pulling another tissue from the box and preparing my ear for another replay of events from Tory as she bawls her eyes out again while narrating for the nth time how she caught her boyfriend, Kevan, cheating for the third time. 

"He said that he will never let himself be reeled by other women again."

I rolled my eyes in response and Cassie snickered "Like we haven't heard that line of perseverance from him a few months ago when he was peer pressured" while quoting the last two words with her fingers "by his so-called terrible set of work buddies into sleeping with their new employee!".

Tory sobbed even more and took a few deep breaths and tried to speak with her shaky, hoarse voice, "The last time he apologized to me, I really felt his sincerity back then. He cried and promised that he loved me and that he will work harder to strengthen his love even more that it will be enough to overcome his weakness." 

I shifted on my seat, feeling uneasy with my silence on this regard and just trying to find something interesting with our pictures framed in Cassie's desk. There was a brief silence when I finally decided to speak in the most casual way I could mutter without taking my eyes off the frames.

"So, its safe to say that this cheating incident is just another lapse of strength in his part that he can make up to again on the coming days with flowers, sweet nothings, gifts, and a book of his new set of martyr-worthy promises, just like having a slack judgment in your choice of menu for the day that you can make up to the following days by exercising and eating healthier?" I quipped. 

Cassie subtly elbowed me on my side reminding me to slow down with my bluntness as it may do more harm than good, so I just swallowed the remaining pages of sarcasm thats been wanting to unfold from the beginning. I just couldn't help, but taste bile whenever this issue arises as the answer is plain and obvious. Her boyfriend is a parasite that sucks all the good things in her for his own pleasure, and would eventually move on to a new host when she's all dried up and wilt. These worms were never made to stay as loyal as a dog. They may stay for a while, multiply even, but their short worthless lives make them want to YOLO in every chance they get, whoever the casualties may be.

Tory's face hardened as my eyes met her gaze. "He's not perfect, actually, he's far from it, but he's trying to better himself and he works on his issues as hard as he could. He had a dysfunctional and difficult childhood. He's got issues with his self control, but don't we all have some? I knew he was flawed from the beginning. He bared his soul to me and came clean with his past, and the moment I told him that I loved him, I promised that I will never let him fight his demons alone. I promised that I will give everything for our relationship to work." She reasoned without so much as a pause to pave way for interruptions.

I wanted to be the nice friend, so bad. Tory is a very kind and understanding person and I love my friend like a sister thats why I am so mad at Justin's cheating ass, however I am equally irritated and frustrated as hell with her unending forgiveness and understanding thats way past the realms of profound stupidity. Someone has to keep on knocking into her thick head until things start to make sense for her again.

"You knew from the beginning that he's a fuckboy. Lets say that he really does love you, and he's a better fuckboy than the fuckboy that he was when you met him at a bar, but its already a freaking cycle! He's got a mile ahead of him in becoming faithful and he's striding his journey like a toddler learning to walk! Until when are you going to wait for him to stop doing this? Are you contented to being the prized, loving girlfriend, whom he's forever grateful to have dangling at whatever cost?"

Cassie was already standing beside me with her hands on my shoulders as though holding me back as I was literally inches from Tory's face unable to keep my cool already and yelling like Im about to start pulling her hair. Aware of my out pour of strong insights, I closed my eyes, backed off, and took deep breaths to release all the pent up tension.

Tory knew that I don't like losing my temper like a mad man and I despise engaging in heated conversations. She was quiet for a while, controlling her emotions and stabilizing her breath. She silently said, "He may have hurt me countless times, but in between those times, he made me unbelievably happy. He took care of me more than he did himself. He made me feel special even in the most ordinary days. He made me laugh whenever I felt down. He's made me feel things nobody ever did."

Ugh. I cringed.

"Oh yeah, the only man who's ever fared deep down where nobody has ever explored." I snorted

"Its not just about the awesome sex or him claiming my first! I surrendered it because I loved him. He's my first kiss, my first boyfriend, my first love. I want to give everything so in the end, whether we will work out or not, I will have no regrets. I will always treasure our great memories and he will always hold a special place in my life." She spoke the last sentence breathlessly and it just made me concede.

"Then tell me, what is the point of you telling us that he hurt you, yet again? What do you want us to do?" I said in defeat

She sighed and started to tear up.

"I just need someone to share my pain with. I just need to unload my burdens even just for a while so that I can regain strength to keep going again. I just need my best friends." She said in shaky breaths and with sobs she's been trying so hard to keep at bay.

How can you even find the heart to throw a retort at that?

I just shut my mouth and gave in to the group hug that Cassie initiated. Whats left to do than to just quietly wallow in the deluge of negative thoughts regarding our argument?

Looking at my friend, I mentally shook my head.

No.

I will not let myself down by stepping on my own self worth just to justify how generous I can be when it comes to loving someone.
When I love someone, I'll make sure he's worth it, so it has to go both ways.
If he's lucky to have me, then I must surely be fortunate to have him, too.

I will give, but not at the cost of my everything. You can't give when you have nothing.
To love someone truly, one must love himself first.
One day.
I will love someone deeply,
But
I will not allow him to have all of me so when the time comes to part ways, I will not be left groveling and half dead.
I can walk past him in the streets with my head held high, knowing he was just a piece of my past.
Some call it pride, but I more fondly call it self love and preservation.