Phan OneShots

His Death

Summary : In which Phil is left with no choice.

Warnings : Blood,  Gore, and Death.

Word Count : 1,137 Words

Blood. All I saw was blood. Blood flowing from Dan's body. He was in pain and so was I. He knew the end was near but he was not crying. He had always been strong. His fingers were wrapped loosely around mine. His brown eyes still sparkling. His brown colored hair had developed a darker tint as his hair was in the puddle of his own blood. His skin was paler than usual almost translucent. His fingers were loosely wrapped around mine. I took his fingers and kissed them lightly one by one. He curved his lips enough to let me know that he was smiling. I smiled back trying my best not to break out into tears. But I failed as a stream of tears start running down my cheeks.

Dan looked at me and his eyes start getting moist too but he still refused to cry. Instead, he tightened his grip around my fingers a feeble attempt to console me. He opened his mouth and managed to croak out my name

"Phil," he said before closing his eyes for a fraction of a second and slowly fluttering it open again . With every passing moment death was staring right into his face but I knew he refused to let go that easily. He loosened his grip around my fingers and reached out to touch my cheek. He ran his hand through my  light stubble and I took his hand and kissed his palm lightly. Part of me wanted to kill myself right there but I knew I shouldn't. Instead, I chose a much torturous process of watching the love of my life bleeding to death while I do nothing at all to save him.

His breathing became shallower after every passing second. Keeping his eyes open becomes an arduous task for him but he was reluctant to close it and let go of me of the world of our life together. I knew it was too much pain and too much agony for him. I had to do it. I had to tell him. I cannot watch him suffer anymore as I watch. It was the hardest words I ever had to say. But I love him too much to watch him suffer this way.

I gulped as I leaned close to his ear and started caressing his soft brown hair.

"Let go Dan," I said in his ear softly while  still caressing his hair before lightly kissing his cheek only to be rewarded by the strange metallic taste of blood from the deep gash on his cheek.

He merely shook his head as a refusal to my advice to ask him to let go and looked away from me. I immediately felt guilty for my words and I wished I could have taken it back somehow but at that moment he turned his head and for the first time tears appeared at the crinkle of his eyes.

And then slowly he started crying. It wasn't even little tears. It was literally crying as a stream of tears kept flowing down his cheeks which turned into a strange pinkish color after being mixed with the blood.

I sat there motionlessly watching him crying. I felt too drained and empty to speak but I knew at that moment he wanted me. He needed me. I lied next to his bloody body. His blood stained my white shirt but I just didn't care for anything but him at that time. I slid closer to him wanting every inch of space to be filled by our bodies. We just lied there still until he tried to open his mouth. I looked at him with tear filled eyes as he struggled to speak.

With every ounce of strength he could muster he said "I love you" in a very croaky voice and then lied back again

My eyes start to water again but I wiped them off as I said "I love you" to him but somewhere I felt it was incomplete. That he deserved much more than that. I wanted to express my infinite love for him. I cupped his face in my hands and very gently and carefully  placed my lips onto his. I kissed him gently but with all the love I felt for him. This kiss was very short and wasn't like anything we ever shared before. It was something different, special and indescribable filled with emotions and in some way  the best kiss we've ever shared.

The end was closer than ever and we both knew it. It was as if that death had snatched half of him already. He looked utterly unrecognizable but yet in his own way still very beautiful. I wrapped my hands around his shoulders as we gazed into each other's  eyes . His eyes were halfway closed but I still didn't cry because I wanted to be happy and say goodbye to him so he could be happy and guilt free and so I kept smiling as his eyes slowly closed despite the feeble attempts of him trying to open his eyes again with all the energy he had.

He closed his eyes after a while but his heart was still faintly beating so I touched my ear to his chest listening to his heart weakly hammering. And then suddenly his heart stopped. Completely.For a moment I was so overcome with the shock of his death I couldn't make myself believe it. He was gone like truly gone and there I was nothing I could do to bring him back.

No, he  cannot just die like this and leave me all alone. My throat felt dry and then I screamed. I screamed loudly and thinking about how fucking unjust the world is and then for the first time in the whole night I cried.

I cried trying to bury all my sorrow away. But the pain was too much to be just buried away. My heart felt like a hollow space which could never be filled.

I hugged the lifeless body of Dan in front of me and desperately kissed him but he was not coming back. He was dead. Dead and gone.

Why did it have to happen to me? Or to him? He didn't deserve to die like this. Nobody does. But he died and I am helpless now and somehow still expecting him to open his eyes and smile at me again his dimples showing but he doesn't. He just lies there lifeless eyes closed soaked in blood mouth slightly open and his arms spread around on the ground.

I kissed his lips again.

"I love you, Dan," I said.

The stone cold lifeless body of the love of my life was in my lap and life in a way was somehow over for me too.