Alone H.S.

Chapter 34: Doubts

Harry -

"Slow it down! Harry, listen to me please! Okay, that's enough...you're not listening."

I let out a frustrated growl and throw my arms in the air, giving my Beta and angry glare.

"What the fuck do you want me to do?! Hit the damn punching bag with grace and style?!" Louis only rolls his eyes.

"I'm only asking you train properly. Your shoulder is still healing from your little incident the other day in the woods. So just calm down. You don't have to kill the punching bag." The blue eyed man walks away, leaving me standing there still feeling like all my frustrations and anger has to be released.

Training used to always be the relief I needed when I was angry and stressed. It just doesn't work as good anymore.

I throw off my gloves and follow after my Beta and head into the house.

"Wow, someone's been working hard." Eleanor laughs the moment I step into the house which seems to be full of nothing but Lily's scent. Her sweet, pregnant scent. God, it's driving me crazy.

"Working hard, huh? What ever gave it away?" I ask Eleanor sarcastically. But a gentle hand is suddenly resting on my back and I immediately recognize the touch as Lily's.

"Your shirt is soaked through, babe. Training get intense?" Since when does she call me "babe"?

I turn around to be face to face with the perfect creature I'm able to call mine and feel my anger and frustrations fade away just by looking into her blue eyes.

"Intense? He seemed to think killing me nah would solve every problem he ever had or something." Louis's annoying voice rings from the other side of the house and I bite my tongue to keep from saying what I want to. It's nothing Lily needs to hear, anyway.

"Daddy! Spider in my room!" Dylan's voice adds to the chaos in the house and he appears, eyes wide and he's running towards me too fast to be able to stop before crashing into my legs. Luckily, he doesn't hit his head or fall hard into the floor.

I reach down and pick him up, as he dusts himself off, patting his own little rump as if it had been dirtied up when he fell.

"Your jeans are clean, buddy. Quit prissing with yourself." And that comment earns me an angry look from the little boy.

"Daddy, I ain't prissing. And my name is-"

"Oh, enough of that. Now show me, where's the spider?" I set him back down and he makes me follow him into his bedroom where a very very small spider seems to have made himself right at home in the corner of the ceiling.

Two seconds and that was dealt with.

**********

I hate having to be away from home so much. Especially right now with Lily being pregnant and all. But I've been spending all my free time desperately tracking, trying to find trails left from spies, rogues, anyone who shouldn't be in the territory. Shiloh has someone working for her, letting everyone in and out without my knowing.

And I won't allow that anymore.

A twig snaps in the distance and my ears stand up, and I'm in full alert. Watching every shadow and checking the air for any strange wolf's scent.

Instead, a warm familiar scent comes to me and gets my wolf plenty excited. Lily's.

Her beautiful white and tan wolf form appears from behind a fallen tree. Her tail wagging and her eyes seeming to sparkle with excitement. But she also seems a bit reserved, I'm guessing she's nervous being out here this far away from home.

We could mind-link to communicate, but right now I'd rather be able to talk face to face as humans. I shift and she does the same.

"What's got you all the way out here?" I ask, sitting down on the fallen tree and pulling her to sit beside me.

"You. I thought you'd get lonely." She smiles and rests her hand on my thigh.

"You've been awful sweet lately. Calling me babe and now your hand is sitting on my thigh. What's got you so...romantic or whatever it's called?" She giggles and her hair flies into her face, which I push behind her ear so I can see her face as she blushes.

"I don't know. I guess I just miss you and...I wonder if I'm not being enough for you otherwise."

"What?" How could she even think she's not enough?!

"Well, ever since the baby and all, it seems like your always gone and-"

"No. Baby..." I get up and stand in front of her, bending down so I'm at her level and grab both her hands, holding them tightly in my own.

"..Lily, if I've made you think that it's my mistake. I'm sorry. You've always been enough -more than enough -but it's just...I'm an asshole who doesn't think. I've pretty much brought you here, made you Luna, knocked you up and left you to your own and I'm sorry. But baby please don't ever go thinking you're not enough. You're so much more than enough especially for someone like me." I expect her to smile. It be relieved that I've explained this to her. But I didn't expect her to stand up and give me and angry look.

"Someone like you?! What's that supposed to mean? What, you think you're not good enough? That you don't deserve someone like me? You think you're a failure? Just because some old worn out laze elder wolf sits at a fancy table and tells you that your dad did it all better than you ever could?"

My wolf whines and pushes me to tell her that we are good enough. I don't listen to those elders. Their opinions don't matter to me. But they do. And it hurts to know that they don't think I'm capable of running the pack. I'm not capable of being a good enough mate.

"Answer me, please." Her angelic voice comes through the air and fills my brain. Answer her. Answer her.

"How long until you start showing?" That...wasn't what you're supposed to say, idiot!

"How long until....um, I don't know?" Lily looks at me like I'm thinking of me. Like I've lost my mind. Maybe I have.

"Oh. Lily, promise me something." I wrap my arms around her, pulling her close against me.

"Anything." She whispers.

"Trust me. Please."

"I do, Harry. I always will." My wolf settles with her words.

See? Our mate does trust us. We're okay.

I know we're okay. Lily still loves me and trusts me. Surely Louis and Dylan still trust me.

But it's the other voices I worry about. The ones telling me I'm not enough. I never could be.

And they're getting louder all the time.
___________________________

Sorry that it's taken this long to update. I apologize to you all for that.

But personal things have gotten to where it's hard to focus enough to write. But I am still doing it when I can.

So, please comment and let me know what you all though of this chapter.

And when things get rough, I read everyone's nice comments and I always feel happy and more inspired to write more. So...that's your part there everyone.

Please let me know if you have any suggestions in what should happen. Or if anyone wants to guess what will happen. If I should include certain characters more in the chapters. Whatever, just let me know if you're enjoying this story still.

Thank you!!! Love you all!!!!