Alone H.S.

Chapter 50: Too Much to Handle

Harry -

"Daddy, can I ask a question?"

I look away from the scissors in my hand to look at Dylan's reflection in the mirror.

"What's up?" I set the scissors by the bathroom sink and try to comb through the wild, curly, unruly hair of my son.

"Why is Mama so sad all the time?" He asks, his voice so small and quiet.

I hesitate before answering. Dylan is so young and I know it's hard for him to understand everything that's happened. But I remember being his age, and being lied to doesn't make for good relationships when he gets older and learns the truth from others.

"Remember when I told you that Mama isn't going to have a baby? That night we came home from the hospital?" He nods, and I pick the scissors back up and start snipping once again.

"Well...your little sister was born. But she didn't get to stay with us."

"Why not?"

"Because...she just wasn't strong enough." I set the scissors down and when I look at Dylan in the mirror I can see the tears rolling down his face.

"Oh, baby. Come here." I lift him from his seat and sit down, setting him in my lap and rubbing his back as he cries.

"Why wasn't my baby sister strong enough?" He sniffles, looking pleadingly at me.

"She just wasn't, buddy. Like how your mama just wasn't strong enough when you were born. And it's hard to accept, I know." Dylan lets out another sob and I pull him a little closer.

"But we have to be strong for your Mama. We have to be strong for everyone."

"You will be Alpha one day, Harry. And you won't be able to break down anymore. You'll have to be the strong one when everyone else is weak." My fathers words echo through my brain and I fight to the urge to listen.

When I was Dylan's age, crying wasn't something that was really allowed. It showed weakness according to my father. I was raised to never show any weaknesses. But I won't force my son to grow up thinking that crying means he's not brave and strong. Even grown men cry, why punish a child for feeling a natural emotion?

"How can we make mama happy again?" Dylan asks, wiping away his tears.

"There's nothing we can really do, buddy. We just have to wait until this passes."

"What passes?"

"Her grief. It's like waiting for a storm to end. We can only wait."

*********

I open mine and Lily's bedroom door to see her laying down, but wide awake.

"Hey. You want some company?" I ask.

"Not really." And she rolls over so her back is to me.

That hurt. A lot.

"Okay. I'm just going to town then." She doesn't respond and I shut the door and head downstairs and for the front door.

"Harry, hold up. Where're you going?" My Beta asks.

"I don't know." I tell him before hurrying out of the door and shifting.

My brain feels like it's running a million miles an hour, my legs ache to run until I'm far away, and my throat aches to release a mournful howl. But I settle for rushing into the woods, feeling relief as my legs begin to ache from overuse once I've run for hours. My breathing quickens and I'm left panting heavily as I continue to run.

She doesn't want me. I tell myself.

She's hurting. She does too love us. My wolf tells me.

If she loves me, why would she constantly push me away? Why would she refuse to allow me to show her any affection? She hates me. She blames me.

Stop!

My body screams for me to stop, I'm exhausting myself from this relentless running and I'm not slowing down. I need to do something with all this pain and grief. I can't take it anymore!

"Alpha?" I force myself to stop when hearing my title and I look over to see one of the border guards standing next to an unfamiliar man.

I shift and immediately feel the exhaustion taking over my body, my human form not being able to handle it as well as my wolf. But I stand up and walk over to the guard and strange man who isn't a member of this pack, his scent isn't any of ours.

"Alpha, I found this messenger who says he has something for you." The guard says and I turn to the messenger.

"Who are you?" I ask, trying to keep from breathing to quickly. Still trying to catch my breath from running.

"I'm a messenger from Alpha Zayn Malik of the DarkWoods Pack. He sent me to give you this." The man hands me a letter sealed in a envelope and I take it from the man and open it, immediately searching through the words quickly until a line of words catch my eyes.

"...declaration of War." I could feel something inside me snap. My wolf seems to go into overdrive and my senses feel like they're on fire. It's like I'm seeing red and I glare at the messenger, nothing but hate directed at him.

"Alpha?" The guards voice shakes, but I don't pay him any attention. I feel like I'm not in control of my body or my feelings. It's like someone's set me on fire and I'm slowly reacting to the hateful burn.

I can feel my wolf trying to come forth, and I shift, leaping onto the messenger and biting into his throat, hearing his screams and tasting the warm metallic blood.

I feel like I blink and the man is dead, laying cold on the ground, his blood coloring the earth beneath him. I stand back and feel anger, sadness, disappointment, and pure hate coursing through my body.

I've killed an innocent messenger. What the hell is wrong with me?

Why would the DarkWoods pack declare war? Why would Lily not want me with her? Why had Shiloh tried to destroy my family? Why did I have to loose my daughter? Why did I kill the messenger? Why am I still here? Why couldn't I be as good an Alpha as my father?

The howl that sounds through the woods, is my own. The frustration, the fury, the pain echoes in the night air, cutting through the other night sounds.

Screwing up everything I do, hurting everyone, failing.