Alone H.S.

Chapter 49: Slipping Away

Harry -

It's a sinking feeling. Something I can't describe in any other word than uncomfortable and unbearable. Like being pulled away from something you want to hold onto. No matter how hard you fight for it, it slips out of your hands and you know -you just know- that it's gone forever.

My wolf whines and yaps for me to wake up and I fight myself to bring myself from the dark world filled with restless sleep. He screams at me to get up. I need to wake up.

It's gone.

What's gone?

Our mate needs us! Wake up!

I jolt awake, my head spinning. My body covered in a cold sweat, and pain coursing through my body. But it's not my pain.

"Lily?" She's not in bed beside me.

I panic, my wolf keeps telling me I need to stay calm.

Stay calm. Stay strong.

What the hell is happening and where is Lily?

Throwing the covers off and getting out of the bed and clumsily getting caught in the sheets before managing to get myself balanced, I look around the room, trying to find Lily.

But she's not in the room.

Normally, I wouldn't be worried just because she's not here when I wake up, but my body is telling me something is wrong.

"Lily? Lily, where are you?" I search the closet, before slamming the door because she's not there and then turn and notice the bathroom light on, and the door closed and locked.

I start slamming my hands against the wooden door, not wanting to have to break it down.

"Lily? Baby, unlock the door. Lily, can you hear me?!" The sound coming from the other side of the door is so small and quiet, my wolf hearing is the only thing I could pick it up with.

"I can't unlock the door." Lily's voice sounds so fragile. Scared, broken, weak.

I break down the door.

I land on my side, on the floor, splinters from the wood stabbing into my arm, but I ignore the pain and focus on the sight in front of me.

Lily, slumped on the floor, surrounded by a puddle of her own blood. Her skin so pale she looks white and I can sense how weak she is, her eyes fighting to keep open and her breathing shallow.

"Oh God. Lily, baby, stay with me. What's happened to you?" I ask, rushing over to her, ignoring my blood spurting from the wounds on my arm and focusing on Lily's.

"I'm sorry." Is all she says, tears streaming down her pale face, and her eyes closing.

"Lily? No. No, baby. Wake up. Lily, wake up!" That's it.

I lift her unconscience body into my arms and hold her close while I carry her out of the bathroom and hurry down the stairs.

"Harry? Harry, wait!" Louis.

I turn around and Louis's face pales and he practically screeches to a stop.

"What the hell-"

"I don't know!" I interrupt him and hold her body closer.

"Okay, calm down. We need to get her to the pack hospital, but you're in your boxers, man. Hand her here. Now go get dressed."

I don't think I've ever dressed so fast before.

Be strong for Lily.

I don't understand any of this.

********

I sit next to the hospital bed, watching Lily breathe.

I knew the moment I laid her in the bed what was wrong. My wolf seemed to sense it long before me, but it's instinct. You just know these things. Once you push away the frantic, chaotic, panicked thoughts, instinct is what leads you in your thoughts and your actions.

Our baby is gone.

That sinking feeling. Being pulled away from something you want to hold onto.

You can't hold onto life. You can hold the body that holds a life, but you cannot keep life where you want it. You cannot keep it from escaping the confines of the body.

It was just too soon.

I held her. The nurse handed me the bloodied towel holding the tiny body. Fully formed, but so tiny. She didn't breathe bit a few breathes before it all was simply too much for her, being so small.

I watched my daughter die. I held her as she left us.

I didn't want to cry. She only had a few moments on this earth, and I didn't want her to see me cry. But nothing prepares you for a moment like that.

I told her I loved her. That her mother loved her. I could swear she smiled. But she was gone too soon. Before she got to truly know just how much she really was loved.

I've felt numb since.

The sounds of the hospital have faded away, my ears deaf to the clatter and the chatter. I can see, but I don't focus. I can touch, but I don't register any feeling. I feel like I've shut down, but I'm still here, alive and awake.

I feel exhausted. Lily needed me here to draw strength from, and I'm literally feeling wiped out. The process of everything has taken its toll on me.

"Harry?" I slowly pull my gaze away from Lily and see blue eyes. But not Lily's beautiful blue eyes.

"They said she's alright now. Just needs sleep. I think you could use some as well." Louis says softly, but he sounds so far away. His movements seem almost in slow motion.

"I'm staying right here." Is all I say. But I feel like not even I said it. Like my body has gone autopilot.

"Harry...you need to rest up. Dylan needs to see you-"

"I was right."

"What? Right about what?" Louis asks.

"It was a girl." My voice breaks and I can see Louis hang his head and take a deep breath.

"Harry...please...don't do this. You'll torture yourself with this. Please, stop."

"I held her. She was so small, Louis. So...tiny."

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Louis was gone when I opened my eyes.

You need to move on. For our sake, and out mate's.

It's weird how a single moment passes and your whole world flips upside down. Everything you thought was one way, is now another.

We would have our daughter. I would propose to Lily. We would marry and raise our pups safely within the pack. But now...would Lily even want to be with me?

Lily's eyes open and I try my best to focus on her, fighting the exhaustion.

"Hey, baby." She smiles and closes her eyes, I can sense she's still awake, just tired.

"How do you feel?" I ask.

"I lost it, didn't I?" She asks, her smile long gone and a face of pure heartbreak replacing it.

"It's not your fault. No one could have done anything to change the way things went."

No more words are said. But so many need to be. Words of comfort, words of love, but we stay silent. Feeling like our worlds have fallen apart.