A Spark Of Hope (#Wattys2016)

Chapter 4: Enemy or Friend?

Its 4AM and I cant sleep.

All of my feelings are mixed. I feel numb. All their words are running restlessly in my brain.

I feel dying. Im mentally and physically tired of all this bullshits.

Even my mom didnt believe me. 

''I hate everyone.'' I said.

I surfed the Internet to listen to songs that maybe can make me happy even for a little bit.

I came across to this song called ''If they knew'' by Joel Faviere.

The lyrics made me cry even more. It really fits my situation.

''They think you're crazy.
  They think you're mad.
  They call you stupid,worthless,tell you you're not worth it.

And now you're walkin' back to a place you call home,
But you feel so alone.

The same hurtful hits, it's your darker place.
In your virgin ears, the remarks they make.

And if they, if they really knew all of those things.
That you do in your room to hide the pain
I bet their minds would change.
I'll bet their minds would change.

They'd change if they knew the pain.
Change

'Cause I believe in these scars
'Cause I believe.''

I sang as I slowly slicing my flesh with a razor. It hurts me and yet it made feel relieved.

''You're nothing but a useless brat!''

I remembered mom's words that teared me apart even more. I couldnt stop the tears that running down my cheeks.

Cut after cut, I soon stop as I finished slicing the 5th cut.

Slowly, I felt a little drowsy.

''Damn..im losing lots of blood..'' I thought as I walked to the bathroom and cleaned the blood.

I then, picked up the first aid kit,took out the bandages and wrapped it around my wrist.

I fell asleep after treating my wounds.

Its 7am, on Monday.

I woke up and get ready for school as usual. I made my own breakfast since Mom didnt come back yet. I became worse and worse everyday. My eyes are swollen because of the tears I cried last night.

I took my breakfast alone. This is not the first time I ate my breakfast alone. Its just I feel kinda lonely even though im used to it.

I walked to school. Alone as usual. I saw Scarlet and her gang at the front gate. They smirked and laughed at me. I ignored them and keep walking.

My class is on the second floor. I could hear the noises from my class from the first floor.

I came in the class, suddenly everyone just stared at me silently and starts whispering with each other. 

I didnt say a word. I ignored them and sat on my seat.

Miss Taylor came into our class with someone that obviously not from here.

''New student, maybe.'' I thought to myself.

I stared at the new student. '' What a beautiful eyes. She's tall and fair and skinny too. I bet she could fit in the class easily.'' I thought to myself and feeling insecure all of a sudden.