Jeanine smiles as I draw my hand back. "Erudite." she calls. I hear a few dauntless members screaming angrily, yelling my name in the full fury that is commonly expected of the dauntless. I pass my brother on my way to the erudite rows, and I see that he is smiling. He waves in friendly goodbye, not willing to pick fights with me like the other dauntless. My father however, stares at me furiously, clearly in a red hot rage at my betrayal of our faction. His faction, I remind myself, for I am no longer dauntless. He looks like a man that could spit fire, and his gaze alone hits me with such ferocity that I fear he will scorch me. He eye flash, lit and a blaze with anger and I fear that stare will haunt me until my dying day. Felix looks at me confused, bewildered and perplexed. He waves though, instead of shouting. The glimmer in his eyes is of one of decision, a man changing his mind about something. I see that he is nervous, for he is likely to be called next.
I take my seat among the group of erudite, feeling surprisingly calm amidst the erudite blue. Most of the erudite wear glasses, and the lenses reflect in the brilliant sunlight that streams through the glass parts of the building. For some reason, I wish Felix were here beside me. His sparky mood would be just the thing to calm my nerves.
The realization of the selfish choice I made hits me. I left Cal and dad for what? My own gain. My benefit. What have they to gain in this case, besides losing me? I deserve to be forgotten, as I have been selfish and cruel. I am not brave, I am erudite. What will my initation hold? The erudite and dauntless initiations are well known for being the most difficult. Am I smart enough? No, surely I cannot be. I will most likely become factionless instead of erudite. It would be logical to enjoy every moment of my time here for as long as I can. But what drove me to let my blood mingle with the water instead of burn on the coals? Why was erudite my choice? If I am surrounded by extremely intelligent people, one of them is sure to guess my secret. Surely, it is only a matter of time before the erudite learn of my divergence. Why not just tell them the truth, to make it easier for me, to get it over with? Why am I thinking candor? Why must I be divergent? Why couldn't I have been dauntless? Maybe being amity would be better than being divergent. Then another thought hits me. It would be illogical to speak of your divergence or tell the truth. Being honest would get you caught and most likely killed. I may be found eventually, but surely the consequences will get no worse over time. There is no need to confess if I am not caught. Lying is wrong Vic. But killing is wrong as well. To be honest would mean letting them kill me, which is just as wrong. Telling would be suicide. Suicide is cowardice and selfishness at their highest points. And I hate both. The way I'm thinking of this problem is so selfish. Is my divergence really a threat to others? My life should be valued after the lives of everyone else. You must not value life to much, nor to little, or it shall lead to conflict and destruction, I realize. Maybe I am erudite. I wish I could tell the truth without harming anyone, including me.
"Felix." I sit up a fraction, ready to watch Felix choose dauntless as he is sure to. He casts me a smile, before taking the knife from Jeanine. This will be one of the last times I see him, for it is unlikely that we shall meet much when we are in different factions. Felix cuts his hand and cups his fingers, as he positions his bleeding palm over the metal dauntless bowl. The metal glimmers in the morning light, making the symbol of a flame that is carved into the side shimmer. Felix looks at his mother, sitting in the dauntless row, smiling proudly. Then his eyes rest on mine. His body seems to go rigid with hesitation and unsureness. Felix is deeply focused on me as if he could not bear to look away. Then he looks back at his mother. His hand tips slightly. Then he turns to me once more. This glance appears to help him make up his mind, and he shifts postions letting his blood fall. The ruby red drop of blood falls into the bowl representing the faction that he is bound to forever. I watch in shock as the blood lands with a splash, sending ripples through the crystal clear water. The water of erudite. Jeanine smiles. "Erudite." The dauntless screams in disbelief, and Felix's mother shoots him a death stare. But he ignores her and walks to the erudite benches smiling in pleasure. Looking right at me. Felix sits beside me, a cheery smile on his face and a dreamy sparkle in his eye.
Why did he choose erudite? I feel terrible now. We've both left our parents and betrayed the dauntless. I thought Felix was a perfect definition of dauntless, true dauntless. So why did he choose erudite? He is not the quiet scholar type that loves to read. Felix hates cowards, and erudite aren't always the bravest. Why did we do such a selfish thing? Why did I leave Cal and dad? Why did he leave his mother? It makes no sense. Why did he hesitate so, and what drove him to pick erudite in the end? Why did he think he could belong with the azure clad erudite, and why did I think so too?
The dauntless take their time settling down. Two traitors in a row seems like too much for the violent dauntless. "COWARDS!" one of the black clothed dauntless screams, and I feel my face go hot. I know I must be blushing. Felix laughs when he turns to gaze at me.
"Vic, if you were a coward, then they would be ten times worse a pansycake." Felix soothes, grinning. Why is he trying to make me feel better when in the past we would do all we could to fight one another? This statement makes me feel better and takes my guilt away. I remember an abnegation saying that I read once. It was an interesting saying, 'Guilt is a tool. Use it to avoid doing wrong the second time.' I once wondered what it meant, but now I understand. I feel so guilty about this that I won't be able to make the mistake of leaving family for the second time. But I can't change my choice, so it is already too late.
YOU ARE READING
Vic (a divergent fanfiction)
FanfictionVic is born in dauntless but is the first person to get four results on her aptitude test. Which faction will she chose? Will anyone find out?
