When Darkness Falls

Chapter 39

Mine and Phil's last day together started off very gloomy and dull. I woke up with my eyes practically glued together, a clear sign that I'd cried in my sleep. I didn't want to lose Phil. I didn't want to lose that piece of me. The thought, hell, the reality of the situation haunts me even in my dreams.

Phil has been doing a good job with keeping a smile on his face, but after his little break down yesterday I knew he was scared. How could he not be? How could I let him get himself into this? This is all my fault.

"Dan." Phil's voice snaps me back into reality, the soft whispers of the people in the coffee shop with us hum softly in the background.

My eyes meet with his. "I did it again, didn't I?"

He gives a sympathetic look before nodding. "Just stop thinking about it okay?" His hand is now stretching across the table so that it can lock with mine. Its crazy how something so simple can soothe such persistent thoughts rummaging around in my brain. "I know its hard but this is quite literally our last day together. I don't want you to remember it as the most depressing day of your life.. save that for tomorrow."

"Wow you're blunt aren't you?" I roll my eyes and look in the opposite direction of his heeding stare on me. The shop is surprisingly busy considering how late in the week it is. In the corner there's a man on a laptop, his cup of coffee slowly losing its heat from being untouched considering how focused he is on whatever he's working on. On the other corner there's a man and a woman. They're holding hands much how Phil and I are, though they both look very happy. That's where we differ.

Phil's grip tightens on my hand. "Dan please." He whispers and tugs at me trying to receive my attention again. "Look at me. I'm not dead yet. You don't have to treat this as though you're already trying to get over me."

My eyes shoot back over to him. Those words hurt, but they hold a fair share of truth. Maybe that is what I'm doing. Maybe I'm trying to pretend he's already dead so that when the time finally comes it won't hurt as much. "I'm sorry, Phil." I give him an apologetic look before taking a deep breath and slowly pulling my hand from his. "So where's the next place on your list? We've been to the movies, and we went to a store where you quite literally picked out the flowers for your own grave, and we've been to the coffee shop for the second time today."

Phil just rolls his eyes and laughs. "Firstly, we only went into the shop because you wanted to get some roses. I just happened to see my favorite flower and say that if all else failed, I'd like to have those rather than those depressing plants like the ones on my mom's grave." We both snicker, sharing loving glances before he continues. "Secondly, we're going back to the house."

I roll my eyes. "Isn't this supposed to be the one day we spend out of the house, Phil?"

To my surprise, I feel a thump on my nose. Did he really just flick me? "We're going back to the house to get ready for tonight." He leans back into his chair, arms crossed comfortably across his chest. "I've already got the outfits picked out and the place for dinner."

I can't help but smile admiringly at the delicate angel in front of me. "You've really gotten this all planned out haven't you?" A chuckle escapes me once more. "Phil Lester's last real day on this earth will be one to remember."

Bittersweet. That's the best way I can describe how this day is for me.

Bitter. Its the last day I'll be spending alone with the love of my life. Bitter because I've finally realized that Phil is, in fact the love of my life; the one I'd hope to spend his little piece of forever with before he became too old to recognize my blazing eyes that only burn for him. And as he slowly faded, so would the fire inside me. Though that would be way easier, watching him slowly fade rather than staring as he's ripped harshly away from me.