When Darkness Falls

Chapter 48

*PHILS POV*

Incredible.  Absolutely incredible; the way he moved on to that girl so easily after I rejected him.  Its not like I care.  I'm done with him, but still.  How could it be that easy?

Its not like I care.

Okay maybe I care a little.  It just isn't fair.  Sure, I can act uninterested in him but I do it because its for our well being.  He's just doing it to lash out and be spiteful because I hurt him.  That's all it is and I know that.  I know him well enough to know that what he's doing with that girl doesn't mean anything.

Suddenly, my foot hits a crack in the sidewalk that would've been absolutely avoidable if I wasn't drunk.  I shoot forward but luckily regain my balance before I can fall and slam my face against the concrete.  I run a hand through my hair, hoping dearly that nobody saw how utterly ridiculous I looked just then.

Once I slyly glance around the darkened street and make sure that the coast is clear, I continue my path.

Anyways, I still hope he ends up killing her.  She shouldn't get to experience him in that way.  That should only be for me..

I groan and run my hands through my hair.  "Why am I thinking like this?"

The warm night air blows across my face peacefully.  I look up and see that the sky is actually quite overcast.  Not very surprising.  The skies are hardly ever really clear around here.  Its a miracle to actually be able to find the big dipper on clear nights.

I remember the one time Dan and I went to the park just to look at the stars.

A small wave of electricity prickles through my skin causing me to shiver.  There's no blaming the cool air anymore.

The feelings of the bond have definitely been weakened since I started taking those herbs and not being around Dan literally every day, but now that I'm back and that I can actually see the boy who I've shut out all this time.. Its really getting to me.  I don't know how I can continue doing it anymore.  It seemed so easy when I was halfway across the world.  Okay, that may be an over statement, but I was far enough away to not see, hear, or feel anything relating to Dan for two years.

I considered asking Chris for more of those herbs the other day, but part of me just feels like that's a terrible idea.  Every time I even think about it, my brain is just like, "Are you stupid?  Why would you even remotely think that is a good idea?  Why would you want to shut out the best thing that's ever happened to you?"

Basically, my brain is just a huge fucking mess that's trying to choose between what I want and what I know is right.

My hands fumble carelessly with the keys to the house Chris and I had 'acquired' since we arrived here.  Not really sure how he managed to get it, but I've learned not to question his ways anymore.  I either end up disappointed or just irritated.

It takes me at least ten minutes to unlock the damn door.  I knew I shouldn't have taken all of those shots, but something about tonight just made me feel like that was the only way I'd get a good nights sleep.  Though, now, I'm coming to realize its not going to be that easy.  Alcohol always had a way to make my mind linger to other thoughts.. Not good thoughts.

Suddenly, images of Dan and that girl stumbling up the stairs to his room in my house cross through my imagination.  Then her taking his shirt off..  Him touching her the way he used to touch me.  The way he should touch me. God, I really need him to touch me.  Its been so long..

Now the thoughts are switched.  Now I'm the one he's touching and undressing.  He kisses down my chest, stops at the waistband of my boxers then gives me that same mischievous look before getting to his business.