When Darkness Falls

Adressing Mistakes

Even the warm sheets on this ginormous bed can't warm me up. I've been cold ever since I came in the house last night. After spending the majority of the night with Anthony. Part of me feels horrible about everything I did last night. I know it wasn't good. But part of me is still hurt by what he did. And when I'm hurt I do things I shouldn't do. That's just who I am.

I let out a long sigh and run one of my hands through my hair.

After going off into the woods Anthony and I made out for awhile. Eventually I gave in and let it go farther than it should have and that lasted about an hour. I was just paying attention to the stars most of the time. And from time to time I'd catch myself wishing it was Phil doing all those things to me. I'd imagine it was him at some points to before catching myself.

I just wish I could keep him off of my mind. He made it clear that he doesn't want to go any farther than being friends with me, so why can't I just accept that and move on? Why can't I just continue on my emotionless vampire life without thoughts of this bright eyed boy filling almost every inch of my mind?

Deciding I probably need to distract myself before I end up sitting here all day thinking about him, I roll tirelessly out of the bed and shuffle towards the door of my room with my feet dragging on the wooden floor.

I'm so mad at him. I'm so mad but I still love him, and that's so irritating. Why can't I let go? Why can't I just forget he exists?

The thudding of my feet against the stairs is the only sound that can be heard in the empty house. Even Phil's room is completely quiet which is weird, even in his worst moods he has music on. But right now there's nothing.

The kitchen is in sight now, so I quickly speed up my pace and walk towards it. I swear, there's probably twenty rooms in this house and the only ones I've spent time in are my room, the kitchen, the bathroom, and Phil's room. That's not sad is it? Don't answer that.

I grasp the handle of the fridge tightly and yank it open. My eyes immediately dart towards the gallon of orange juice, so I take that out and then get a glass out of the cupboard. The orange liquid spills into the cup like orange silk. Funny how just pouring a glass of orange juice can be beautiful isn't it? I wonder what color would pour out of Phil's eyes if someone was able to take the color and put it in a cup. It'd probably be a mixture of sapphire, teal, and maybe a bit of grey. So basically the ocean would pour out. I'd love to see that.

The sound of orange juice spilling all over the counter snaps me back into reality and into a frenzy to try and stop the sticky liquid from reaching the floor. I run over to the other side of the counter to grab a hand full of napkins. I slam them down on the juice causing orange drops to splatter all over my black shirt and over more of the counter. "Fuck! God dammit- NO NOT THE FLOOR-" A loud groan escapes my lips as the blasted juice forms a waterfall from the counter down towards the floor. "Great. Just great."

I slap my hand across my forehead and let out a load groan. Great. Yet another thing I can't manage to do correctly. Let's just go ahead and add pouring orange juice to that huge list.

Right as I'm finishing cleaning up the stupid juice off the floor, something catches my eye in the doorway. A pair of, once so bright, but now darkened blue eyes with bags underneath them meet with mine. Even from the good amount of distance between us, I can tell he's been crying. Under the bags were red streaks that ran down his cheeks indicating that he'd cried so much they became raw.

And suddenly I felt horrible. I'm the reason phil is like this right now. I did all of that stuff with Anthony and I knew he was watching. Imagine how I'd feel if I'd watched something similar? Oh I would definitely end up killing whoever it was who kissed him. What if Anthony kissed him? Oh no. Hahah yeah. No that's not going to happen. "Good morning." I give him a fake big smile as I basically sing the two words like they're a song. Well if he already feels like crap I might as well just rub it in a little before apologizing right?