Tough Love

Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Nineteen

It's been 2 weeks since Cain was suspended. Eli told me he's in rehab; and once he's cleared for duty he will be transferred to the 13th Precinct. It's quite a ways from our precinct, so I shouldn't run into Cain at all. Eli and I have got into a routine at my house. We get home from work, make dinner and then chill out for a bit before he either goes home for the night or he sleeps in my spare room. He stays depending on how bad my day has been or how I'm feeling at the time. He has been amazingly sweet, and even my jaded mind has to admit it's very endearing.

I am helping Eli cook dinner at my house; we're making enchiladas. Eli gives me enough space as he walks and works around me. It's nice to not have to worry that someone could be trying to touch me or coming too close. It's nice not to have to be so on my guard all the time.   

As we cook, Eli says, “The Cap spoke to Cain today... He seems to be doing better.”

I nod, not really having anything to say.

“It was his prescription meds, you know? Oxycodone.”

I nod again.

Eli puts his knife down and watches me before saying, “What? What's going on in your head, Dani?”

“Not much.”

He chuckles, “I find that hard to believe. There's always something going on in your head. You're far too clever for that. What's on your mind?”

“I was just remembering how difficult it was. He's got a long road ahead of him.”

“I know. Will he ever be able to take meds again? I mean, people in our line of work get shot; it happens, but if we can't take pain relief that would really suck.”

I shrug, “It depends.”

“Depends on what?”

“Him. Everyone is different. Everyone deals with things differently. There is pain medication out there that is less likely to cause a relapse, but there's always that possibility. I don't know.”

“But you can't take any other meds?”

I shake my head.

“How come?”

“Slippery slope for me. Too easy to relapse.”

“If you don't mind me asking, what were you addicted to?”

I let out a small, bitter chuckle as I said, “What wasn't I addicted to? I took pretty much everything.”

“They gave you lots of different drugs?”

“Not so much. Mostly Heroin, Amphetamine, Ketamine stuff like that.”

“So how did you take so much other stuff?”

I sigh, not sure I'm ready to reveal so much of my disgusting truth and my bad judgement. Eli looks hopeful and I don't know if I can ruin that for him. I take a deep breath and briefly shut my eyes before saying, “I was in a bad way after I got out. I didn't want anyone to find me, so I couldn't approach anyone for drugs, so I just took anything and everything I could get my hands on.... I'm not proud of it and I don't even know how I'm still alive. Honestly? I should have died a long time ago....”

“No. Don't say stuff like that. You're alive for a reason. You deserve a good life more than anyone else I know. Where did you go after you got out?”

“A hostel. I pretty much stayed holed up there.”

“How did you get out of there? I mean no offense, but you weren't so good with people when I met you so how did you manage to get from a hostel to here?”