Tough Love

Chapter Forty-Five

Chapter Forty-Five

Don tells Eli and I about the Lorazepam, explaining the routine and what we should expect. I'm supposed to have a low dose every 12 hours for the next four days and then an increased dose for the next two weeks. Don seems to think that this will keep the anxiety to a minimum. I'm not convinced about that, but I'm not going to say anything.

Don looks at Eli and then says, “I'd feel happier keeping the medication with me. I'll give you two vials and I'll pop in daily to give you the next two doses. I think that's the best option.”

Eli agrees with him and I don't know how I feel about that. On one hand, I know they shouldn't trust me with drugs around, but on the other hand I feel a bit upset by them insinuating that I'm just going to down all the meds. I haven't touched anything since Eli has been around, but even I wouldn't trust me so I really shouldn't be upset by the fact they don't trust me either.

Don continues, “I think it will be most effective if you inject into a vein, Dani. But if you don't want to do that, I'll understand. You can do a more concentrated dose straight into a muscle if you'd prefer. It needs to be a big muscle, like your thigh though.”

I quickly say, “Vein.”

Knowing that one of them will want/need to watch me to ensure I'm taking the drug. I'm not having them watch me inject into my thigh. I hear Eli let out a deep breath, like he'd been holding it in anticipation or something. I also hear him mutter, “Thank you.” He obviously doesn't want me to inject into the thigh either. I don't think I was supposed to hear that though, because he looks up at me and I see a tinge of pink on his cheeks. My expression must have given it away that I'd heard. Don doesn't comment so I guess he didn't hear.

After Don gives Eli the drugs, ensures that we're both ok and is satisfied with our responses, he leaves us for the evening. I let out a huge sigh of relief once Eli has locked the door and I rest my head on the back of the couch. Eli chuckles and says, “I thought he was never going to leave...”

I don't respond to that; there's nothing I can say that won't be taken the wrong way.

“How you doing, Dani? Really, I mean.”

I shrug and reply, “I don't know. It's all too much... I don't know what to think or how to process it all...”

“That's understandable. I have to go back to work tomorrow. I'm sorry.”

“It's ok.”

“Will you be ok on your own? I can get my mom or Ash to come and sit with you if you'd prefer that.”

“No sir, it's ok. I'll be ok.”

“Ok, but if you change your mind just let me know. Ok?'

“Yes sir.”

“I'm going to grab a shower, if that's ok...”

“Sure.”

As Eli showers, I clean up the kitchen all the while I'm eyeing the drugs that Don has left on the work top. Yep, they were right not to trust me because I just want to take both doses right now. I wonder what that would even do to me. Surely after everything I've taken it won't do me any harm, right? I mean, I've taken some pretty hard core drugs in my time, this should be like taking Tylenol for me.

As I'm contemplating this, Eli steps into my line of vision, making me jump.

“Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you. You were almost burning a hole in those vials you were staring at them so hard. You really don't want to take them that much?”