Tough Love

Chapter Three

Chapter Three

Later on in the week I walked into the NYPD to find Elijah leaning against the wall by the stairwell door. I sighed to myself, and tried to find the strength to deal with him. It’s not that I thought he was particularly horrible, I just couldn’t deal with people. I’d had a particularly bad night and I’m sure it showed. I was tired, so tired and I didn’t see any way to fix that. As I stepped up to the doorway, a concerned looked crossed Elijah’s face as he asked, “Are you ok, Dani? You don’t look so good.”

“I’m fine, sir.”

“You sure? You look tired.”

“I’ll be ok, sir, honest.”

Elijah had taken to walking me up to our floor every morning. It frayed my nerves, and I’m sure he could see something was wrong with me. He was a member of a SWAT team, he must be good at reading people. I pushed that to the back of my mind and trudged up the stairs behind him. He stopped suddenly and I nearly ran into the back of him. I squealed and nearly slipped down the stairs.

Elijah had turned to ask me something when he saw me almost fall down the stairs. He reached out to grab my hand when he saw complete and utter terror in my eyes. I managed to whisper, “Don’t touch me! Please, just don’t touch me....” I was pleading with him, but he could see just how frightened I was.

“Ok, ok. I won’t touch you Danica....”

I was going into full blown panic now. I’d managed to stumble away from him and I was now propped up in the corner where the two walls met. I was trying to calm myself down so I didn’t have a panic attack. Elijah started to walk toward me, but he heard my breathing become more erratic so he took a step back and sat on the last step.

“Dani, what’s wrong? What happened?”

I shook my head crazily. I was definitely not thinking rationally. My breathing was ragged and I could feel my fingers starting to tingle. That was never a good sign. I tried to get a grasp on reality before I passed out. I just about managed to hear Elijah say, “It’s ok, Dani. Just take deep breaths. I’m gonna come and sit next to you to help you, ok?”

I freaked out completely; trying to scurry away from him. I really couldn’t breathe properly and I could see blackness start around the edges of my eyes. I knew I was about to pass out, but I couldn’t do anything to stop it.

Elijah quietly sat in front of me, but not so close that he could reach out and touch me. He calmly asked, “Do you know how to use a gun? I’m going to put my gun on the floor and I’m going to slide it to you. That way, if you feel like I’m a threat and you need to use it, you can. Ok?” He slid his gun over to me and I immediately grabbed it. I held it close to my chest, pointing it at him with shaking hands.

“It’s ok, Dani. I can understand that you don’t trust me. I don’t understand what set this off, but it’s ok. Just breathe, take deep breaths. I’ll breathe with you and we’ll count your breaths, ok?”

He counted breaths with me and by the time we got to 78, I my heart rate and breathing were almost back to normal. When I actually came to my senses and realized what I had done, I sobbed and whispered, “I’m sorry, sir. I’m so sorry you had to see that....”

He cut me off, “Hey, hey. It’s ok, honestly. We all have our demons, right? It’ll get better.”

I shot him a disbelieving look, to which he replied, “If you’re at the bottom, the only way is up, right?”

He winked at me and shot me a dazzling smile. I quickly looked away from his eyes and mumbled, “Sorry sir.”

“No more apologizing, ok? It’s all cool. Let’s get you to the safety of your desk, hey? It’s all going to work out fine.”

“I really don’t think so, sir.” If he heard me, he didn’t comment on my statement.

I slid his gun back to him, and he grabbed it before getting up. As he stood, he saw me jump and flinch. “Are you ok? Do you need to see a doctor? Panic attacks can really mess up your body....”

“It’s ok, sir. I’m fine. I’m used to them.” I mentally slapped myself for letting a truth slip. I shouldn’t allow anyone to chip at these walls I’ve built.

“Do you have them often then?”

“Depends...”

He stopped before he got to the door of our floor and turned to face me. He didn’t make the same mistake of trying to touch me. “Dani, if you need me for anything, just ask. You’re part of the SWAT family now and I’ll do anything I can to help. You don’t have to deal with this alone.”

“You don’t know me, sir. I don’t know why you’re acting like this.”

“I can see you’re fighting something. Sometimes we just can’t deal with things alone. Just because I don’t know you, doesn’t mean I don’t want to help. Besides, maybe I want to get to know you better.”

Before I could even process what he’d said, he was through the door and gone. My first and alone thought was, “Huh?” Yes, I know, extremely eloquently put. I honestly couldn’t actually process any other thought.

I quickly went to the bathroom to sort myself out before heading to my desk.