Tough Love

Chapter Eighty

Chapter Eighty

Dani

Eli's asleep. I'm watching him as he sleeps. That sounds creepy, right? I assure you it's not like that. After that whole confession conversation thing or whatever the heck that was, my mind is reeling. I can't believe all of that just happened. He pretty much told me he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, despite my messed up self. How do I process that? I hear my poppa's voice again, “See, I told you he loves you. You just need to admit you love him too.”

I don't even know how to love. The only love I've ever known was my parents' love and that's completely different. I know Eli makes it better. He makes me feel different. If I could be happy, I would say he makes me happy, but that's not really an emotion I know too much about.

I've tried to sleep, but I can't. I'm left confused and worried, but my windows of lucidity are becoming smaller. The drugs are fully out of my system now and I fear that I'm going to hurt him beyond repair. I'll freely admit that I'm a disgusting, vile person during withdrawal. Maybe that's my real self coming through, I don't know. What I do know, is that I really don't want to hurt the man that's in front of me. I may not trust him completely and I may not be one hundred percent comfortable with him, but I don't want to hurt him. He's been good to me and he's given me hope, something I have longed for. I lost hope for a long time and that's something you can't really live without, not for any great length of time. Eli has shown me that I can hope for something more; something better. I will never be like everyone else, but he's shown me that's not necessarily a bad thing.

The pain hits me again and the shivers are back. I panic because of the feelings that are coursing through me. Everything is too much. The unknown emotions, the physical pain and the desperate need for some form of drug.

Eli's groggy voice filters through everything, “Dani? What's wrong?”

Even as the words leave my mouth, I know they're not mine. “Go away!”

He snaps up and out of the bed like I've just burnt him.

“Whoa baby, what did I do?”

I hiss, “What did you do?! You're just like everyone else! You're all the same!”

“What? How?”

“You're all the same!”

Eli

What the heck?! Dani's little outburst is leaving me confused, until she lets out a string of curse words in Russian. That's when it hits me what's going on. Man, the change has been fast. Her body must have burned through those drugs quickly. She's definitely not herself right now.

I approach her slowly and talk in my negotiating voice. “Dani, it's Eli. Can you hear me? I know you're hurting and I know you're scared, but I need you to listen to me...”

“Go away.”

“I can't do that. I told you I'm not leaving just because it's got a little tough...”

“Tough?! Really?!”

She hisses in pain again. This is pretty awful to watch. I can see the sweat rolling off her, even though she's shivering. The curses that leave her mouth would give a sailor a run for his money. It's so far from the Dani I know that I'm momentarily stunned. When I come to my senses, Dani is actually trying to get out of the bed.

“Dani, you need to stay in the bed, sweetheart. You're going to hurt yourself...”

“You touch me and I'll chop your fingers off!”